My Walk Home Is Surprisingly Quiet After 11:32pm

I have to start with another disclaimer after my lawyers advice. This blog may cause an increase in stupidity and illiteracy in the right or left eye.

I have decided to add a new feature of to this blog, the highlight of the day. It will be at the end of every blog, when ever I remember to add it.

Today, my colleague had a big dinner. She recently, got married and by recently I mean Tuesday. But to get married her in China all you have to do is go to the court and register. It's kind of weird how you have to do it though. It is like the old days, like in the time of Jesus. You have to go back to the place where you were born to register to get married. I wonder what happens if you your husband was born in a different place, like you were born in Harbin and he was born in Shenzhen. If you don't know where they are on the map google it. Anyway, thats not what I wanted to talk about. At the dinner, she had sea urchin. I was very very reluctant to try it, especially because in the past I have had problems with eating weird things in China, like dog for instance. But that shit was bangin'. It was so good, the only problem was the texture, it felt like how it looks, slimy and gross, but the taste was delectable. Even though, I am having weird stomach rumblings right now, and probably will next try it again, it was an enjoyable experience. The best part of the meal, was definitely, definitely the shark fin soup. I think it is a most have, when you go to China. Way better than Beijing Kaoya.

But before the dinner, I had an interest chat with my colleague who just got married and another lady in the office. They told me how when they were young they had to take politic classes, in like elementary school. I think the things they studied where very interest. Well, I should say thing because they only told me about one thing they learn. But they learned that capitalist countries, like the United States, everyone was poor and hungry, while socialist countries, everyone had a roof over there head and things to eat. Its funny to hear that, because everything I read it was the exact opposite. But maybe I don't understand history that well. They even said that they had picture of people looking destitute and dejected. The most interesting thing they told me is that they never felt poor, because when they looked around everyone was in the same situation. Even though, they only had one pair of clothes to wear, they still never felt poor. It amazing how much China has changed and how rich people are everyone, so you know what being poor looks like up close. Maybe capitalism is not so great, but I will take it any day, so I can be like get a way from me bum, and get a job.

After dinner, I went to my friend Cou Cou's house to watch a movie called The Time, it was awful, except for the one part where they are in prison, that is the best part of the movie. And something else awful happened, for some reason I mad a culture reference (I forget why) to Mr. Rogers, and my socialist French friend was like who is that. I was like he was a guy on t.v. who taught kids, and she was like a teacher on t.v. teaching, that's stupid. I was like what (I was thinking, Bitch, how dare you disrespect Mr. Rogers. That Shit Ain't Funny, Mr Rogers is an educational Genius.), and then I was like okay what about Sesame Street and I was like it was puppets that taught kids. And she is like that stupid, why would they teach kids on t.v., blah blah blah stupid stupid stupid. I was thinking bitch nah, bitch nah, you can't disrespect Sesame Street; say something else about S Street, say something else, I dare you. I am about to go Cookie Monster on that ass like you are a chocolate chip and I got a fresh glass of milk. But instead, I just calmly left.

But I hold much adulation for my new socialist friend. Especially, because she bought me the The Professional after I told her I liked it the other day.

Highlight of the Day:Upon coming home, at the entrance of my building there is a glass door where the guard normally stands, either inside or outside. I image the job is really boring, especially at night. But my thoughts, were confirmed when I witnessed the guard staring at himself in the mirror in a pugilist stance. It was a good while before he noticed me and rushed to open the door.

The 100th Post, Whoa!!!!

China's rapid growth is fast, hard hitting, and unprecedented, kind of like ones first bout with the NINjA. This new growth has caused an increase boom in the amount of cars and the amount of flights that people are buying and taking (really is booming from beef to iphones, and I am pretty sure you can purchase everything from beef to iphones on its black market as well, which is very convenient.Especially, since unlike the US the black market is semi-legal or at least there is very little crack down on it and also unlike the US, I know where to go to get stuff off the Chinese black market, I guess it is more like a grey market or maybe a charcoal). But because all this growth is sudden and people are mostly newly rich and/or moving out of poverty into the middle class, for lack of a better word, they don't know WTF they are doing.

With an increase in the amount of cars on the rode their has been an increase in the amount of drivers, according to my Chinese colleague, most Chinese drivers had only experience with a car for 10 years or less, this includes riding in the car. When you think about this, it is no wonder this is a country full of crazy drivers. From my understand on traffic law, the only one that matters is red lights, all else can be ignored at will. I don't think I have ever seen a police car pull someone over, even when the car come to think of it ran a red light right in front of him. So maybe the red light rule only applies sometimes. I have not been to a lot of countries, but I am going to make this statement, China has the most reckless drivers I have ever seen. The only rule of the road is don't hit another car and even though another car might hit you, it may be your fault. Even if all you did was slow down, for lets say traffic. Seeing how crazy traffic is, has given me apprehensions about getting a bike. That and it is freezing right now, and they steal bikes like its diamonds around here.

The growing numbers has made flying in China very interesting to. In the old days the normal way to travel around China was to take the train. It was cheap, slow, and reliable. Now with the increase of wealth, the plane is the new train. But some of the habits with taking the train have not changed. According to the same colleague, Chinese people are used to bring lots of luggage on board trains. This mentality has continued for the plane. People bring copious amounts of luggage on board the plane with them. To the point that if you are not quick to board the plane you will not be able to put your stuff in the over head bins and you might now have leg room under your seat either.

And this rush brings me to the thing I hate most in China. I hate it in the US, but I hate it even more in China. FUCKING LINES!!! Lines are the worst thing in China. I have no idea why Chinese people, I hate generalizations (while I actually enjoy them a lot), cannot comprehend the concept of a line. You just stand right behind the person in front of you and wait. Simple right. NO, Chinese people have to push to get to the front and will walk right up to the front of the line like there is people already waiting with utter disregard for the whole line system. I can't really get it.

So how to take advantage of the line system in China.

As the saying goes, "when in China cut the WTFing line." The trick is simple, walk right up to the front and push your way through. If someone says something to you, just say "Dong Bu Ting." And you will be fine. They will just be like stupid foreigner, but you will be in the front. Actually if you run into any problems where you are doing something that you know you shouldn't be, just say "Dong Bu Ting." 100% of the time it works 37.9% of the time.

When pushing it is best not to use as much force as possible, because you don't actually want to knock the old people down (remember that old women are your biggest adversaries), you just want them to let you in, move faster, or get out of your way. They probably will not do the latter. So this is the trick use your fingers and poke them in the ribs (a pen works best, well actually a knife does, but you don't want to kill people, the government might not be okay with that. But you have diplomatic immunity feel free to use a knife). Aim for right under the arm in between the ribs if you use your finger, if you are using a pen then aim for the bone, it will hurt the most. This will temporarily stunt the Chinese person in front of you or cause them to move out of your way allowing you to move up in the front of the line. Remember one you get to the front of the line, be quick to give your ticket or you might be mauled by a panda.

Revelation 1371

I have realized that when I talk walks and listen to music, I come up with the greatest insights about myself. For example, today I when I was walking to meet some friends for a cheap Chinese dinner, I realized that their is nothing I do really well. I am just really the epitome of mediocracy. I am the type of person that knows a little bit about a lot, instead of being someone who knows a lot about a little. I don't know what is better, but I think I would prefer the latter. Even though, that is a sad realization since there has been at least over a hundred thousand dollars invested in my education up to this point. But this fact and the fact that I like to watch pointless droll on youtube came in handy today.

What happened, and it also informed to the fact that I need a roommate (this occurrence, the number of times I have almost slipped and cracked my head on the floor or some sharp corner while getting out of the shower), is I locked myself out of my apartment again. The first time was okay, because it was during the day on a week day and someone could bring me the key from the office. But today it was at night, and I had to meet someone to get the key to the office. But here is where my vast watching of youtube and my knowledge of worldly things came in handy. Because the secretary locks her desk everyday and I only had a key to the front door, I had to figure out a way to break into her desk. Luckily, I have had to break in to my own house in the states before and in the past couple of months have watched videos on youtube about picking locks (don't ask why), I knew a thing or two about how locks work. Also, I just finished reading The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon, which was a big help in my B&E. But because I am not that knowledgeable on locks, I was luck in the fact that it was just at the right difficulty level that my little knowledge (even though I had to use every bit I had) took the lock apart in last then 10 minutes. I went Houdini on that bitch. And I was even able to make it to the restaurant on time for some expensive Chinese food, which I thought I was going to have to miss going around the city looking for the secretary's key to the desk.

Other revelations that I had to day:

Beijing is flippin' cold.

I need better gloves.

And things that I learned about Chinese people recently, oh but before the things I learned about Chinese people recently. I saw the best Christmas decoration display, I have ever saw in China. Albeit it was my first, it was still the best. It rivals some of the ones I have seen in Seattle. This fact is even more impressive when you take into account that Chinese people don't celebrate Christmas.

So what I have learned about Chinese people. They refuse to eat cold things in the winter because it gives them la duzi right after, especially cold water. And after a woman gives birth she is not supposed to shower for a month. That is just wild and beyond me. Oh and they are not allowed to drink anything cold right after giving birth.

What else....

I can't remember, well, I can but I want to go to bed so I will write it some other time. TTFN.

Textin'! It's Done w/ the Thumbs

I have a lot to write about now that I am done with the CFA exam, well, I should say that I had a lot to write about. I forgot 90% of the things I wanted to write about. But, I am sure it will come to me in the mild of the night or after my hangover goes completely away. I am at about 85% right now. Since, I can't remember what I wanted to write about I will write about the stuff I read and watched while I was supposed to be studying for the test. Before I go on, my lawyer has informed me that I need to add a disclaimer to this blog: The following content does not in anyway reflect the thoughts or the opinions of 马渡 and thirty percent of the time the content of this blog is original ninety percent of the time.

Before I continue, I need you, my viewers, help. I am afraid to report that Audrey is not doing so well. She has been laying in the corner looking kind of bilious. She just stays in her supine position with a languid approach to life. Please, her time seems short. She seems to lost her will to live, I need an answer to bring her back to me, she is my only friend, my only love in these cold dark Beijing nights.

So I read a lot of articles and watched a lot of youtube in the time when I was supposed be studying. It probably contributed to the fact that I didn't pass my test. Well that and probably the fact that I tried to cram three months of knowledge in to a three day intense study session. I mean it worked in college, why not now?, right? Come to think of it, it didn't really work that well in college. And it didn't really work that time I tried to pass the foreign service exam. Hmmm...you would think that I would learn from my mistakes. But apparently, I don't have that a ability.

Anyway, what I read in the journal, my number one source of information for the outside world (outside world meaning primarily the United States and a little of France and Belgium the latter of which will be discussed in the News Years Day issue of this blog), I read an article about Belgium beer. Ironically, it was not until I moved to China that I discovered my love for Belgium beer. Well its not really ironic or semi-ironic, I just wanted to start the sentence with that word. I like the word ironic, is sounds so funny when you say it, ironic, iiiiiiiroooooonic, ironic. Even though that is not the word I used to start the sentence I still like the word ironic, ironic. Ok, back to what I was saying. AH, Hmmmm. Yeah, Belgium beer is delicious, its like Zeus peed in a bottle and said here, enjoy the left overs of our sweet ambrosia. Its that delicious. Where is Chinese beer, which I feel like there is so no such thing as a best Chinese beer, only less worser of the worst. However, some people will say it is Qingdao that holds that category, I personally think yanjing is better. But Belgium beer is damn good. In Middlebury, my favorite beer is Otter Creek White Sail, although the Wit and Brown Ale are damn good as well. But the White Sail was my first semi introduction in to Belgium beer. The White Sail is a Belgium style lager or Belgium style something. All you need to know that its good, try it. You will not not not like it.

The Best Belgium beer is hard to say, but I might have to go with the Tripel Karmeliet, however, the Archel Tripel Blonde, the Leffe Blonde, and another that was good to but I don't remember the name but it probably had blonde and/or tripel in the title. I am realizing now, that I like blond beers. I really want to try the Westvleteren it is supposed to be the king of beers king of beers. But, unfortunately I have not been able to find it yet and going to do a city wide search this weekend and try to hunt it down.

In Beijing there are four for sure places you can get Belgium beer: Morels, the Tree, Beer Mania, and Aria. They are listed in order closest to furthest from my place. The Tree by far has the best selection, followed by Morels, Beer Mania and then Aria. But I think the Aria or the Tree have the best ambiance, but Beer Mania is nice too. The only problem with the Tree is that it is a restaurant but it has a bar too. Actually, Aria has the best ambiance, but the pizza at the Tree is probably the second best in Beijing after Kros Nest. But if you are going to get Belgium beer I recommend going to the Tree just because it has a better selection and the pizza is amazing. Not FlatBread, but how many places are as good as American FlatBread. Also here is the the thing for me though, while the Tree has good food and a good selection, it suffers from a problem that many bars and restaurants suffer. When the waiters pour beers here, they don't know wtf they are doing. I don't want that much head when I get a beer poured. You don't just turn the beer over and poor it. You got to treat it gentle use a little technique, you have to be like that one Tenacious D song. And thats what Aria does best, they actually train all their staff on how to poor a beer, when I saw their perfect technique, I almost cried and gave them a standing ovation. When you take the time to teach your staff to pour a beer, you are a quality establishment. So Aria, I give you applause, bravo sir, bravo. Anyway, Belgium beers are good. Beer is good. Life, well life is Life.

The other thing I watched was youtube. And it reminded me of the fact that I hate texting. I hate it so much. Probably, because I hate my cell phone. And the texting program on it sucks.

But when you are Beijing everybody texts. I think this is how it is done in most foreign countries. The the thing to remember when texting is to remember to keep the thumbs loose and the rest of the fingers on the phone. A many a person has lost or dropped their phone with poor technique. Also remember Bitches Love Smiley Faces.

"On the Decay of the Art of Lying"

I know I am supposed be studying, but having studied all day and made very little progress in the notes that I have been mulling over and also having been a 100% convinced by the practice test and other online test that I have no chance as the saying goes of a tiger eating a rhinoceros chance in hell of passing this test, and not to mention having had something really interesting just happen to me not five minutes ago, I have decided to write this blog.

The thing that is interesting, that now I have timed to contemplate about and on after thought is really not that interesting, is I met (so he claimed, but google has no sign off) one of the owners the most renowned ultimate frisbee brands, its called High Five or Hi Five (not sure on the spelling could be the reason one google has not trace, but maybe you know, and by you I mean Golzer because you are the only person besides myself we currently reads this blog and you are the only person of the two of who would know about ultimate frisbee). From what the guy said they make some type of furry pink hats that are supposed to be popular. Anyway, because he said something about ultimate frisbee I was like yeah my school has really big ultimate culture. I think he might have thought I knew about a lot about it, from the what we talked about later, but ultimate frisbee is like all the other things I don't like (if i am not good at something after 3 minutes of trying I automatically put it on my "that sucks list" and dismiss it and/or ridicule it); we end up talking about how he would drive to Middlebury for some big tournament they have every May or something, and how Middlebury was a big influence over the ultimate fribees culture at a lot of other schools and especially at his school University of Chicago. The whole time I was thinking, really those frisbee kids are so flippin' weird, also streaking when I was trying to study in the Library or pretend to study. I think I am going off top, and I am not certain where the top was headed, someone just gchatted me, hold on let me read what I was writing before. Ah ok, ultimate frisbee kids are weird, thats that.

Oh yes, what else we talked about, the guy informed me why the lights have been off for the past two weeks in my favorite Chinese restaurant behind me apartment building and why I have not been able to eat there. He basically confirmed what I knew deep down in my heart, but I kept trying to deny to myself ever since I saw the lights no come on. They are going to 拆 the building. We I heard him say that, my heart weeped. I finally knew what the worlds smallest violin, playing the worlds saddest song actually sounded like. Apparently they are going to 拆 that building and some other surround ones, those I actually don't like and turn it in to a parking lot for the Olympics and once the Olympics are over in to a Sun City 2. I was damn, that sucks, bring back my flippin' favorite Chinese restaurant. Screw Olympic parking, I need a place with good food that is only two minutes from my house, I don't want to walk the extra 30 seconds to go to a different Chinese restaurant. And plus, I was getting to really like the people there and they were starting to get to the point where they could understand my broken Chinese. Now I have to go to this other place and start all over again. JAM!

Miscalculation

Golze accidental added the wrong site. Like I thought and I am sure you all thought out there as well, here is what was supposed to appear:



I have to start studying for a test, but I have many things to write about that have to wait until next week. So stay tuned. However here is a little short something.

I was riding in the elevator the other day and there was this lady that looked like Anyir's mom (as one of her roommates described her mom, middle-aged, Chinese, and fat), her phone starts to ring and I almost bust out laughing really loud. The song that was playing on the phone was Usher Yeah! I was wow, that is a down ass mom. Next she start break dancing in the elevator, it was pretty crazy. Ok, maybe that part is not true, but it would have been amazing if she had.

rogue post!

Audrey, My New Love

Today, I went shopping with my Mongolian friend for a present for another friend for her Birthday, I am pretty sure my Mongolian friend works for the Mongolian CIA. MCIA speaks like 12 languages, has been to mad different countries, has a scar on his face that I think he got from a knife fight in Russia, and is always doing some secret assignment of the government. I might have blown his cover, so if I am dead tomorrow you know why. Anyway, While MCIA and where looking for gift ideas, that is when I met her. She was squatting looking extremely ambrosial. After much bargaining with her pimps, I finally bought her for 70RMB. She is beautiful. Her race is Limonium and she comes from the Rutaceae family. Her family is very prestigious, especially in India.

I am so excited to have her be a new edition to my apartment. I finally have someone to talk to and spend my nights with. Her name is Audrey.

While I was walking around today looking for gifts with my MCIA friend, I spoke with some Chinese plant sellers and they tried to tell me that lemons are limes before they turn yellow. I was like wtf, ah ok, if you say so. But since I know nothing about plants, this could be true. So if anybody can verify this information for me, I would appreciate that.

And this year, I thought I would use an aluminum pole instead of a Christmas tree. But I think that I will just use Audry instead, prop her up in a corner and put lights and presents under her.

Now it is time to head to the bar and if someone could give me information on how to raise a lemon tree, I would appreciate that too.

FooooooooooooD

So far my weekend has been pretty eventful, even though it is ten o'clock right now on a Saturday and I am writing a blog. But besides that it has been pretty good. I hopefully I will stop being a piss ant and go out and do something but the forecast isn't looking so good.

Anyway I have come to the realization that 90% of the time when I go out with friends it is either to go to the bar or got eat, hence the picture. But, since I have been in Beijing I have come to appreciate food so much more. I have only had Korean BBQ once before Friday and that first time was like a month ago. So I don't know much about it. However, I do know this. I LIKE. They have this chicken kebab thing at the restaurant we went to, it is like.... Hmmm, I don't know what it is like but it was good. Definitely worth going back just to eat that.

The place I came back from just now is Grandma's Kitchen, not to be confused with the Grandma's Kitchen in Hangzhou. This Grandma's Kitchen is American food and it was delicious, it was like being back home. While Steak & Eggs is good (except on Thanksgiving, never eat at Steak & Eggs on Thanksgiving), I think that Grandma's Kitchen is much better, which is reflected in its higher price. Even though, I did not eat breakfast at Grandma's, someone else did, ant the food quality look much better than Steak & Eggs. But you don't have to take my word for it, take a trip out here and try for yourself.

The Day Before Yesterday

On Wednesday, I went to the Bookworm to hear poetry from a relatively well known poet named Paddy Bushe. He read many of his poems, but the poem that jumped out at me the most was from his book The Ghost Man, the poem is titled "We come..." It jumped out at me because it reminded me of something my co-work told me about my maid, it made me sad think for her situation. Apparently, she has a child that lives in Sichuan where she is from, that is only ten years old. When I heard that I was like wtf. Why does she live him their by himself? Why doesn't she bring him with her? And she simple said she can't afford it. And apparently her husband is here in Beijing too. So the child lives with some family and doesn't get to see his parents. Probing more, I came to find out this is the plight of many kids that live in the countryside in China. Their parents live them in the countryside, so they can find work and hopefully send back money. While, I am sad that she has been forced to abandon her kid, my selfish side is quite happy that I have a maid that can come twice a week for fifty dollars a month.

Anyway, walking down the road to work that I have talked about in too many post. I have realized this may be the cleanest road in China now. The change from when I first got her is amazing. The road is so clean, that the people use the ash trays on top of the garbage cans they installed. I was shocked when I saw that. And what shocked me even more, was the fact there was no spit on the side walk. I don't know how they accomplished this, especially because it has not rained recently. But I was amazed when I realized it.

Oh and yesterday, I finally figured out what the guards are pretending to guard. Apparently there is so international boxing event going on in Workers Gymnasium. But, that doesn't explain the army present there. So I think it is a front. I still think that is where they keep the aliens.

Happy Ungrateful Day

In a way, it is ironic that we celebrate thanks on Thanksgiving. When at the time, the original settlers were thankful to the native Indians, but how quickly they forgot their gratitude towards them and the act of survival of the fittest became law. I guess we all suffer from lapse of gratefulness and the animal instincts that we think lay dormant ends up ruling our lives more than we think. But this post is not about that. What is it about you ask, well, it is about nothing like all the rest of my post. So sit back and get ready for the tale of my first China Tryptophan Day.

Like all my mornings, my day started with me regretting the time I choose to go to sleep the night before and me hating that bitch Time, who decided not to heed my request to make a few hours seem like eight. After cursing Time, I checked my email and gchatted with Cooper about the latest happenings around the world. Being bored with whatever he was talking about and having an intense odium growing with in over his recent fortune of going to Miami beach for the winter and of hearing his luck of getting the Yacht account, head to the shower.

In the shower, I soak my body in warm water to soften the skin and hair. I start first by washing my hair with Head & Shoulders. Warm water is better for washing your hair because it does not scold it and allows for better and fullier body. Head & Shoulders is a good choice in shampoo because it reduces the dandruff that many hear suffer from. Next, I move to the body. I turn up the hot water to allow more steam in the shower to open the pores. And apply exactly five squirts of the new Dove body wash, I have recently purchased, to my new abrasive loofah. Dove is the best body wash for cleaning and exfoliating. The abrasive sponge helps to prevent pimples and smooth the skin. Next I apply, an apricot face scrub to clean my face and reduce the lines of age.

After I get out of the shower, I grab my 100% cotton towel and brush my teeth, applying the right amount of Crest toothpaste on an Oral B toothbrush. While brushing my teeth I remind myself over and over, "I'm resourceful, I'm creative, I'm young, unscrupulous, highly motivated, highly skilled. In essence what I'm saying is that society cannot afford to lose me. I'm an asset."

Next I get dressed. Putting on a trousers from boxers and wife beater from Hanes, trousers by Izod, a shirt and sweater by the GAP, socks by Jockey, and shoes from Florsheim. On my way out the door I have a jacket by The Northface and a hat by Element.

Arriving at work barely on time. I start my regular routine of reading market information, answering emails and making calls. The only other American in the office, who is Chinese with American citizenship decides to take everyone out for Thanksgiving. We end up at FeiTeng Yuxiang a Sichuan restaurant. At lunch we have the 水煮鱼 and 馋嘴蛙, along with other dishes. Overall the food was good and worth the trip, even though it was far from Thanksgiving food. It was still good, but left me with an unsettled stomach.

Arriving back to work, my day went on as normal, but that bitch Time, made it seem like it was lasting forever. She never slows down the shit I want slowed down. At 6pm, I packed my things and headed home. By the time, I got home, I still had some time to KILL before I head to Steak and Eggs for our 8pm reservations. So, I began reading more of "One Hundred Years of Solitude." At 7pm, I began to get dressed, putting on jeans by ecko, a shirt by GAP, a sweater by J. Crew, and shoes by Rock Port. After getting dressed I head for the subway.

I arrive at the restaurant by 8pm and as usual my friends arrive late. It seems that the French do not know how to use clocks. But it was okay that they arrived late, because the idiots at restaurant did not change my reservations to 8pm like I asked and had it scheduled for 8:30pm, which was probably the first sign that this night was going to bed, along with the shit load of people waiting for a table in the doorway. As I looked at the human mass in the doorway, the only thing I could think was I hope that we get a good table. As 9pm passed and we still did not have a table, I began to get impatient and pressure the maitre d' to no avail. After an additional fifteen minutes we were finally seated in a back corner of the restaurant at what seemed a halfway decent table. So my anxiety was alleviated somewhat, but the demon inside me was becoming listless with burning rabidity. It took another 20 minutes before a water would even look at us, let alone talk to us. Another 5 minutes for him to take our orders for drinks and salads. After another 10 minutes of no response from him or another person and having watched him serve other tables that arrived after us. The demon prevailed and began to unleash his wrath on any waiter or waitress he say, startling all the customers with in ear shot of the bluster it exuded (People who know me well, have not seen me get angry often and yell at people, so this explains how pissed I was). Finally, after bringing the bawls of hell in the restaurant and besieging to see the manager. The service improved 150%. We finally got our drinks and silverware and our salads by 10pm. And after letting loose the demon on the manager we got a free bottle of wine as well. The food ended up being mediocre at best and the pie had much room for improvement. However, the bottle of wine was good. It was a Chilean Sauvignon Blanc, sweat with a little hint of pear or maybe apple.

The night ended with me bring people back my socialist friend and another French friend for more conversation and debate, which the socialist didn't have enough of at dinner, when I say enough I mean debate. I official announce that I am not going to get in anymore debates with people. I am just going to let people think what they think whether racist, wrong, or right.

When making Thanksgiving plans in China. DO NOT GO TO STEAK AND EGGS. First the service is bad at this time and they don't know how to do planning and lets also mention the food is not good. Any other time the food is good at Steak and Eggs, but at Turkey Day, it is not worth it. When someone stagers reservations 30 minutes apart with 5 groups in the same time slots for a small restaurant, you know there is something wrong.

It would be move better to go to a hotel or even more upscale restaurant and get good food, even if the price is higher. Do not get food by Steak and Eggs low price on Thanksgiving.

Another tip, when being screwed over by the service at a restaurant, it is smart to have the river Styx flow in the place, it will help you get a river of wine flowing down your gullet.

So That's Why The French Are Lazy

I had another conversation with my socialist French friend and a very lovely dinner that she made. I was quite impressed. But anyway, she explained to me more why French people do the things they do and their long history striking and socialism and among other things. And on my walk back home, it occur to me the main difference between the US way of thinking and the French way of thinking (I confirmed this with my socialist friend and she agreed, even though she gave me a longer reason on why).

To me the big difference between the French and Americans is that Americans believe in the Idea that their is "No such thing as a free lunch." That you have to work hard for everything you get, and by only working hard you can be successful and get what you want and that the governments role in their success should be very limited. Hence, we don't like to pay high taxes or like a lot of government intervention in our lives and our markets. While the French on the other hand believe that it is the governments job to help them. That by being a French citizens they are entitled to help from the government in many aspects of their life. In essence, it is the governments job to help support them. Hence, the wonderful health care system and the many strikes when the government wants to take away benefits that enhance their life.

On a totally different subject. I was walking home today, and I was walking behind this guy and he farted so loud (Like Anyir did in front of her roommate's boyfriend). And I started to laugh and he just looked at me crazy.

And on another note, I think I blogged about this before or a similar situation. But recently to colleagues of mine have told me that I look like two famous black people. One is Isaiah Washington and the other is Brian McKnight. I hate to break it to people, but I look nothing like either one of them. One, I am not that dark and two, I am much more handsome.

When confronted with a ridiculous situation in China, like someone saying you look someone you don't. The best approach is the "smile and nod technique." To do this one adds a smile to their face and then nods. It is simple and very effective. Another technique that you can uses is the "laugh in face technique." To do this one laughs in the face of the person who made the ridiculous comment and optional can add a comment like "Oh, that is ridiculous" or "What are you talking about" or "If I look like that then you look like Jackie Chan." Remember all comments are optional and both techniques produce the same result.

Voila!!!

I finally figured out why they repaved the rode I walk down to work near Workers Gymnasium, tore up the dog park, and had soldiers do drills there. Well I didn't completely figure it out, but I figured out something. I figured out this much, they turned the dog park into a parking lot, for what I am guessing is car use. They also have the guards who were doing the drills guarding an entrance they constructed that has metal detectors and police tape and police around it. There are also people who go in and out with badges. So since, the Olympics are coming up, I am guessing that is where they have moved the aliens that they have captured. There was really no point in writing this other than I could not think of anything else to write about.

Sichuan Food in Beijing

Sichuan food in Beijing is not as good as Sichuan food in Sichuan, but there are still some really good restaurants around Beijing. Many foreigners are of the opinion that Chuan Ban is the best Sichuan restaurant. While, if you speak to Chinese people they will tell you that Feitang Yuxiang is the best, I have also heard good things about Ma La You Huo, but I have never been there. Ma La You Huo, is supposed to be even more in the Sichuan cooking style. But since I have only been to the big two and many smaller ones,I will only speak of those. Chuan Ban is good, but I don't know it is better than Feitang Yuxiang, but then again I didn't try their 水煮鱼(shui zhu yu), which is the real test of a Sichuan restaurant. A Sichuan restaurant is only as good as there 水煮鱼. Well, Chuan Ban's other food was good, it was not better than Chuan Ban's other food. If you go to Feitang Yuxiang, you must try the 水煮牛蛙, it is delicious. I will not tell you what it means, but it is spicy heaven.

When eating 水煮鱼. You must bite down carefully on the fish. If you are not careful, you will choke and probably die, because Chinese people don't know CPR or the Heimlich maneuver.

Also, when eating 水煮鱼, consider your beverage options careful. Many people will go with soda to combat against the spiciness of this beast. However, soda is not the best defense against this foe. Soda often makes the burning sensation in your mouth more intense. The best bet is water. But since water is normally boiling hot when served, it s not a very good option, unless you are impervious to third degree burns. The best option is actually beer, because it soothes and numbs at the same time. But this option is quit dangerous as well. Because the 水煮鱼 is delicious and irresistible, which means that you will consume it in mass quantities. The only draw back to the mass consumption means that the beer will flow down your throat like the golden rivers of the Mekong (whatever that means). And one will find themselves quite drunk and possible red in the face. So consider your options carefully. Oh yeah, there is also fruit juice option as well, but there was no downside to those options so I didn't write about them.

As you are eating the 水煮鱼, your lips and tongue may be come numb. Don't panic and scream, "they are trying to kill me they are trying to kill me." One, must Chinese people don't understand English and won't understand. Two, it is normal. It is the naturally toxins from the mercury in the fish you are eating. It will only cause slight blindness for a few days.

Patrick Bateman Is A Personal Hero of MIne

I have almost finished reading American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis, I have only thirty pages to go, but I think it is a literary masterpiece. It has given me inspiration to write more blogs and has helped me to come to the conclusion that I want to use that as format for writing my blogs, well that format and I have also decide to I want to use the format that Max Brooks use in The Zombie Survival Guide, another brilliant work of art. For more information see future blogs.

Last weekend I decided that I wanted to learn how to play the harmonica, so on an impulse I went to a music store and bought one for $5. Damn, the Nyquil is strong, maybe I should eat something before I pass out. But this could end up being like many of my other impulse that have failed, like getting CFA certification, learning Spanish, and my half-assed attempt at joining the Army or even like my new decision to write in a new literary format. I had more to write in this blog but I can't remember now. Damn this Nyquil is good. I feel like I should start chasing the purple dragon..."Catch me, Catch me."

Two Things I Still Don't Understand about China

While I make it sound like there is only two things that I don't understand about China, in reality, I think there only maybe to things I truly understand about China (China's has a lot of people and Chinese food taste good, even though the latter is not something to understand).

The first thing I don't understand, I guess I will find out next year. The first thing is how is China going to reduce its pollution before the Olympics. I have only been back in China since August 19, 2007. But man, I have seen so pretty awfully polluted days since I have been here. And apparently I missed the worst of it. In the past three weeks, every Monday I have traveled for business to a new place. In this order I traveled to Dalian, Sanya, and Tianjin, also in that order the pollution I saw ranked from good to worse. Dalian was not that polluted when I went, although it seemed kind of dirty. Sanya, which is supposed to be the Hawaii of China was clean, but the sky was filled with smog. When you looked out to the sea, all you could see was smogged covered islands. It wasn't like being in Key West and looking out and the sea/ocean seems to go for forever and drop off the earth. And Tianjin, how do I explain going to Tianjin? I wish I need how to write then, I would use some power analogy or metaphor to convey what I saw. But it was like driving through the fog on the meadows of a scare movie. You could only see maybe 300 meters in front of you and the smog just surrounded you. It was like the movie The Fog. Seriously it was ridiculous. I am very eager to see, what transpires in 8/8/08.

The second thing I do not understand is why China, does not have more colleges and universities or at least more technical schools. One of social dilemma face the Chinese population, that relates to China having a lot of people, is the pressure that high school kids have in high school, preparing for their college entrance exams. The pressure that these students face is completely different than the pressure high school kids in US have on performing well on the SAT, especially since the SATs are not the only fact US colleges consider. But in China, the only thing that matters is doing well on the college entrance exam, high school for a Chinese high schooler is all about this one test. The only study for this on test. It seems the only information that matters is the information that is going to be on this test. So many skills that Americans value, many Chinese students don't have. Like creative writing skills. (An aside, having take Nyquil just now and not being able to control the heat in my apartment, which currently is set on HELL. I am finding it increasingly difficult to finish this blog). I realize that it is not simple just to create more universities, even though the Communist party has all the power and pretty much does as it please. I don't understand why they don't just start more schools. Will more schools have an adverse effect on the economy or the unemployment rate, shit, I don't know. But I wish I could figure out why this has not been considered or someone could tell why this is not a workable option.

Arguing with the French Is Like Arguing with A Donkey's Ass

In China, I have met a lot of people from many diverse backgrounds and different cultures. It is really easy to met other expats here. The expat community in general is very friendly and very welcoming. Most of my friends here are from different countries, and needless to say I get a lot of shit for being an American. Most of its funny and we end up making funny of each other for our stereotypes. But this one French girl, everytime I see her, she gets in an argument with me about how the US sucks and France is so much better. Gosh the French suck. Nah, I really like my French friends, and actually enjoy listening to her perspective.

Anyway tonight we got in to a big argument about socialism vs. capitalism. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I like to argue or that arguments like to fall in my lap. So in China, I have decided that I don't want to get in debates with people anymore. However, tonight I could not help myself, the girl was just so ridiculous, socialism sucks. When someone tells me that the work week should be only 24 hours and the current French 35 hour work week is too much. I am just like damn. French people are so lazy. No wonder your economy has so much problems. I mean yeah your health care system is better, and I guess poor people are better off in your country, but man socialism is so inefficient. But what I realized is that her arguments where more about enjoying your life and having just enough, and mine where about having the best and getting everything you want. I guess competition and excellence is just to ingrained in my brain, and laziness and handouts are ingrained in hers.

But I guess in the end if she gets sick she doesn't have to pay anything, and my uninsured ass will be dead in a corner.

I get why Anyir pees in cups

I don't know if it is a Chinese thing to do this, but I was on a flight to Hainan. Supposedly the Hawaii of Chinese. I have never been to Hawaii and I didn't see much of Hainan, so I don't really know. Back to my orginial train of thought, this family had this kid on the plane with the split pants that many Chinese babies wear. And of course he was not wearing a diaper, so I thought it is going to be fun if the is baby poops all over this mom or pees all over her. So the flight is chugging a long or doing whatever airplanes do. And all of sudden the baby has to go to the bathroom. I am like oh no. But the mom whips out a cup and has the baby pee in it. I am like man, weird and gross. Why didn't you just take him to the bathroom, I am thinking in my head. So when the baby is done peeing in the cup, the put the cup with the pee in an airsick bag. I am like ok cool, I guess. Atleast it is going to spill ever where in case there is turbulence. And I start to unbuckle my belt to let them out to throw the urine away. But they don't get up and for the rest of the flight, all I smell is baby pee. It was pretty bad, I think he had asparagus or something.

But enough of that, below are pictures of me kicking so other foreigners butts in a bobbing for apples contest at Hooters and be just basking in my glory on Halloween.

After Much Debate....

After much debate and a lot of personal reflections and many fan request and the approval of Clark Smith (the best blogger the world has known), I have decide to start this blog back up. The only thing I can promise about these new blog post is like in the past they will continue to have the same grammar mistakes and spelling errors of my previous blogs. Having a college degree doesn't mean you know the English language any better, which is kind of unfortunate. Also, the content of this blog will be different. A lot less funny more serious, more of a social and political commentary of how society has changed with the new economy. Absolute no more jokes. A new serious me has emerged. Well let's get start on the real content. See the following paragraphs below for more information:

So the last time I was in China for a significant period of time was in 2005 as a college student. And maybe because I have a job and in two years you gain more experience and perspective, your views change, but I don't think this is it. I think it is that China has just changed a lot. After two months or so of being here I have seen so much change just in that short time spend.

First the things that have changed in since 2005. In short, everything. There is so much more money flying around Beijing since the last time I have been here. Before when I was here, you rarely saw a BMW or Mercedes. Now, I see them all the time. Maybe it is because I live in a richer part of town now, and not in the ghetto near the zoo. But money is everywhere. I have seen Porsches, Ferraris, Bentleys and many other high end cars. I know you are thinking so what. Well, when you consider that there is something like a 200% import tax on luxury cars and that the average income in China is like $2000 a year. It is pretty crazy too see.

And that is not the only other change, there are new buildings everywhere. Cranes and half finished buildings line the streets where ever you go. Places that I often went to when I was a student, have completely changed. For example, the bar area that we went to all the time doesn't even exist. But that is not really a surprise because they were destroying it when we were their in 2005. Also, the market penetration of many US companies is astounding. One of my favorite places to go to get food and shop for little things is 7-11 (7-11 has the best breakfast food. Like these one buns, oh so good. If you come that is the first thing I will give you). I don't think I saw one 7-11, when I was here in 2005, but now they are on every corner. And while Starbucks was here when I was here last time, its present is beginning to look like that of Seattle. Even Hooters, has open up a franchise her, which is surprisingly kind of fun, even though the girls for a lack of a better word don't have hooters. But that traditional communist China that you have read about in the history books is no longer, well at least in the big cities and coastal cities. It is being westernized at a rapid past.

Now secondly, the changes I have just seen in two months. Because the changes I have seen in the two months are so many. I will only talk about the changes I have seen on my short walk to work. On my route to work is down one street, that takes 15 mins to walk. The changes are numerous: I have witnessed the street be completely repaved twice, I have seen at least two from what I could tell popular restaurants be demolished (maybe they are doing renovation), I have seen a popular gross park, where people brought their little dogs to play be torn up and replaced with a stone square (they love their stone squares here). The dog park was one of my favorite things to watch coming and going from work. People looked so happy playing with their little dogs, even China has some of the ugliest dogs I have ever seen and you had to watch out for shit everywhere. It was enjoyable to watch their happiness and them beating their dogs when they didn't listen. But now the park is stone and blocked off and being used for military drills. While it is not dogs being beat, it is still kind of amusing to watch. But back to the changes., the are fast and they hit hard. I read in the Wall Street Journal that compared to Malawi the changes that happen in China occur every seven hours. While, its not actually this quick it certainly seems like it.

Well, I am out of things to say for now. But be assured there is more to come.

the end

well i figured when i got home that i'd have the time, energy, and desire to write a long, meaningful final post, sort of like clark's opening post. i was wrong. time i do have, but energy and desire, not a bit. the time change hit me pretty hard. i'm basically passing out around 10:00 pm, which is good for work i guess but cuts out the amount of time i have to write the only kind of post that would do this blog justice. one that would stand the test of time and make you laugh and cry.

so i'm not going to do that. instead, i'm just gonna say, this is it, the end, nothing more is coming, even from clark or durrell, neither of whom i'm sure still exist. anyway, i went to this cool little web site (http://www.texone.org/tree) that turns url's into trees, and made one for this blog. a fitting last picture, i think.

tada! i hope you all enjoyed the blog as much as i enjoyed using it to forget that i was in china while writing. let me know if you want to see any pictures.

always forgetting those titles

vietnam is a dangerous place. while i have survived the motorbike rides around hanoi, i have fallen victim to quite a number of lesser injuries. first of all, duc's dog bit me in the hand. then, i got a nice series of razor cuts down my forearm from a barnacle-covered rope while swimming. and finally today i realized after walking around for 20 minutes that the source of discomfort in my foot was a piece of glass that had punctured my sandal and was steadily slicing open the ball of my foot.

but all that has not put a damper on my time in vietnam. duc and i rolled out to halong bay on monday morning, and got there just in time for the rainy weather to clear, which is how it has stayed since then. halong city is a junky, expensive place, but we got to stay in the nicest hotel in town for free because duc's dad knows the owner. i think that maybe we were the only people staying there. i also had my first american breakfast since beijing.

the next day we took a boat tour of halong bay. the bay is quite spectacular. it looks like the scenery from guilin and yangshuo (see spring break update) but plopped in the middle of the sea. we rented out a boat with two people from france (waaay more tourists from france here than anywhere else), and tooled around with a stop at a semi-nice beach. we were planning to catch a high-speed boat to cat ba island, but ended up taking a whole other tour of the bay en route to cat ba because there are actually no passenger boats that run the route. anyway, cat ba was quite an amazing place, with the nicest beaches i've ever seen. the only glimpse of the interior of the island i got was on the back of a motorbike during a hair-raising high-speed flight from the southern tip to the northern tip (about 30 km). the interior is quite beatiful as well, and reminds me of a sort of smaller version of kauai.

the last two days in hanoi have been quite interesting as well. friday morning we attended the engagement party of one of duc's cousins (he has close to 7 million cousins i think). it is sort of hard to explain what went on, but was similar in a way to the chinese wedding i went to, just not quite as over the top (apparently vietnamese weddings are). there was a lot to do with the groom's family asking for permission to marry the bride and bringing gifts and stuff. i was also introduced by the bride's family as a guest of honor, which would have had more of an effect if i hadn't been the guest of honor for everything i ever attended in china. also, tonight (saturday) we went out to eat snake. it was at a restaurant in a small village outside of hanoi that specializes in raising and cooking snakes. the entire meal was made of snake, but the coolest part was when duc and i took shots of vodka that had been mixed with snake blood and contained a snake heart (about the size of a jellybean). then we also did shots made from the snake's gall bladder. most hardcore shot ever.

so my time in vietnam, and asia, is rapidly winding down. i fly out of vietnam on monday morning, stay overnight in shanghai, then fly home. so, unless something terribly interesting happens in the meantime, this will probably be my last post from asia. but never fear, dear readers, as i will be sure to do another picture post and maybe wrap things up. who knows, maybe clark will grace us with his deep post-writing skills for a final post. but i wouldn't count on it.

for all you doubters out there, duc hasn't actually been pulling our leg this entire time. he does speak vietnamese.

maybe it's just because i've been in china for so long, but vietnam seems quite a bit different than its communist neighbor to the north. first of all, the government doesn't have the desire, the will, and/or the money to construct the sort of huge, ridiculous infrastructure projects that china has, nor is it in favor of tearing down large portions of the city to build bigger roads and buildings. the result? hanoi feels like a relatively small city. the streets are narrow and lined with trees and the buildings are generally only three or four stories at most. the effects of the french colonization period are overwhelming, from the european architecture to the cafe culture (both of which i appreciate).

duc's family lives in two stories of an apartment building on the edges of the diplomatic district in hanoi. the place is pretty nice, not as nice as the new chinese apartments, but it has a certain character of its own. duc and his parents live with his grandmother, some other guy who has some relation to them (uncle?), and a dog that barks at me all the time.

one unique characteristic of vietnam is the incredible amounts of motorbikes. there are barely any cars, but hordes of motorcyles. i have to admit, they are pretty fun to ride around on. duc and i took one out today to see the sites, which included several musuems, the old quarter, a dvd store, and some other places i'm too lazy to write about right now. i always read in articles in vietnam how frightening it is to cross the street. i have no idea what that's about. it's about the same as in china, except in china they have cars instead of motorbikes, which should be feared much more.

what else are we planning for my stay here? we're gonna head out to ha long bay and cat ba island, then come back to go to duc's cousin's engagement party (we'll see how that compares to the chinese wedding i went to). stay tuned for more updates.

something clever to be changed later

so my stay in hong kong has just about wrapped up, and all i have to show for it is a new pair of sunglasses and a bad sunburn. but that's not quite fair. hong kong is easily my favorite city so far. besides the ridiculously hot and humid weather (i hear vietnam is worse), i think hong kong is perhaps the easiest city to be a tourist in. all the public transportation is easy to use, and they put up these signs all throughout the city with maps that tell clueless people like me how to find, say, the museum of art. also, everything is in english. i find you really learn to miss that in china. finally, you can get anything you want in hong kong, provided you're willing to pay for it, including indian fast-food, dental floss, and suncreen that doesn't unnaturally whiten your skin. i quite imagine that it is what shanghai will be like in another five or ten years.

oh, also, hong kong has style. china doesn't.

i'm not sure much interesting happened between kunming and hongkong. the train ride was actually quite nice, and included a brand new stretch with quite beautiful scenery. there was a whole group of women on the train going to some cosmetics conference in guangzhou. i couldn't quite figure out what their jobs were; it seemed like sort of an amco-type scam where they sign up to sell beauty products to their friends. anyway, they all ended up trying to sell stuff to each other and trying out eachother's make-up. the poor guy on the bottom bunk kept rolling his eyes at me the entire trip.

i didn't see any of guangzhou. i managed to get off the train and take the subway to the other train station where i got a local express train to shenzhen. shenzhen is china's most ridiculous city. (i might have previously given that award to lanzhou, which i now deem china's suckiest city). anyway, the train station is right next to the border, which is just overflowing with people from hong kong coming over to buy cheap crap and salesmen trying relentlessly to sell you cheap crap. the architecture is as bad as beijing's, but with even more sense of there being no rhyme or reason. beggars assault you at every turn, and everything is damn expensive as well. it's basically what happens when a bunch of rich people build a city with no rules. it sucks.

i'm up bright and early tomorrow to catch my flight to vietnam. hopefully all goes well on that front. i will update you all then.

p.s. i can actually read the blog here in hong kong, the first time since my very first post. i just want to say for the record that 1. even though i told you i couldn't read the comments i'm disapointed by the lack of them, and 2. durrell's scrolling picture thing looks horrible. good thing i couldn't see it in china or i would have kicked him off the blog.

gettin' it done

my brash decision making got the job the done. although it was pouring rain when i got out to the gorge, it stopped right away, and the entire hike the next day was dry, and even hot and sunny at parts. my only complaint were some clouds that perpetually sat on top of the mountains, making it hard to tell how tall they actually were. however, tiger leaping gorge easily has some of the most incredibly scenery in china. as the sign by the entrance says, it is "the most famous gorge in the world." i guess that's true, if you forget about the grand canyon and all three of the three gorges.

i met up with these three english guys about my age on the bus ride out there, and ended up doing the hike with one of them. the other two were hilarious, however. it was like half a day of a personal monty python performance. as with most conversations with foreigners in china, ours quickly turned how much we missed our food at home. i found out that, regardless of how much we like to make fun of english food in the states, they love it in england. below is one of my favorite quotes from the evening.

"scones have become a bit posh lately, haven't they? oh, but i still love a good scone!"

unfortunately, dave and ed became a bit enamored with the output of the six-foot high marijuana plants that were grewing behind the guesthouse, and didn't quite make our six a.m. departure the next morning.

it's been quite a long time since i've rapped at your all, and i sort of forget what has transpired in the meantime. i guess the last time i wrote a real post i was in kunming, to where i have just returned after a ten hour-long, quite horrible, sleeper bus ride. dali was a fun place, and i ended up actually spending five nights there, much more than i expected. i found this really cool guest house up in the hill behind the city and spent a few nights there reading all their issues of national geographic. i've found that since being in china i've really grown fond of that particular publication. i especially like their articles about a particular zip-code at the end of each issue.

but that is neither here nor there. my next stop before the gorge was lijiang, which was quite, well, crappy. the old city is a cute little place, but it feels like disneyland. in fact, lijiang had the weirdest collection of western tourists i've seen in china. there were, of course, a large number of young backpackers, but also a huge number of families with young children. i even saw an enormous group of rather obnoxious american middle-school kids.

actually the western backpackers in yunnan have been almost as interesting as yunnan itself. there are very few american backpackers at all, but hordes of israelis. apparently, they all go travel the world after their military service. also there are quite a few britians. but i am easily the youngest of any of the backpackers i've met. it seems that people don't really travel much while in college or university. they all just wait until they are terribly bored with their first job out of college, then quit and travel the world.

this post is a landmark: it is the last post that will be made in china proper. i have my ticket to guangzhou (damn expensive), from where i'll take a train to shenzhen, cross the border on foot, and then take the light rail into hong kong central. then i fly out on the 22nd to vietnam to meet the man-with-the-plan, duc. i'm damn excited to get out of here.

until then.

the doldrums

nobody ever told me that it rains a lot in yunnan during the summer. and i mean a lot. it's been raining for the past six days. such a toerrent has really put a damper on my plans for hiking tiger leaping gorge, as the trail is extradinarily dangerous when it's raining, and they close the gates anyways. though it did just stop raining today. if the weather holds i'll be good to go for tomorrow. actually, screw it, i'm gonna run up there right now and stay at the trailhead if i have to.

wish me luck.

halftime

well, i figured out why kunming seemed like such an neat and nice and orderly city. it's because it is currently hosting the second annual GMS (greater mekong subregion) summit, an economic oriented meeting of the six countries through which the mekong river passes. in the true spirit of mayor giuliani in new york, the city of kunming swept up all the undesirable elements and flooded the streets with police officers. what's ironic is that all of the six countries in attendance are the home of totalitarian regimes (myanmar, laos, vietnam, thailand, and cambodia). so those attending the meeting are probably apraising china as an effictive police state as much as a developed economic power.

but that's enough chat for now, as i bring you what you have all been waiting for: pictures! in the interest of time, i've just captioned each with the location, so if you want to know more about a particular one, send me an e-mail and/or seek me out when i get home. i'll be happy to explain.

drum tower, xian

e'min ta, turpan

turpan

cross-desert highway, taklamakan desert

sunday market, hotan

id kah mosque, kashgar

karakoram highway

khyrgyz yurt, lake karakul

mogao caves, dunhuang

mingsha sand dunes, dunhuang

labrang monastery, xiahe

golden summit, emei shan

elephant bathing pool, emei shan

giant panda breeding research base, chengdu

kunming

oppressed on independence day

i don't really have any clever way to start this blog post so i'll just get down to it. i am now in kunming, the capital of yunnan pronvince, which is, in turn, the hotbed of backpacker travel in china. for whatever first impressions are worth, everything in this city is the best in china. the hostel is awesome, the streets are big and green and clean, even this internet bar totally kicks ass. my one complaint: there's no expat magazine, which is making finding a fourth of july party somewhat difficult. i may just end up setting off fireworks with some other americans i met and getting arrested, which, considering that my passport is currently at the vietnam embassy, might end up being a big problem.

the triumverate broke up in chengdu. tyler went off to shanghai to meet his family and clark split to head to yangshuo. neither are nearly as hardcore as me.

for our last week together, we went to emei shan and the grand buddha at leshan. emei shan was a pretty incredible place, though hot and humid as hell. it is a sacred buddhist mountain that was much larger than we thought. the lonely planet says you can hike from the bottom to the top in three days comfortably, which is total crap. we actually ran into durrell on the mountain, and he managed to do the above, but hiking 11 hour days.

anyway, there are a bunch of temples on the mountain, which aren't that interesting, but the scenary is quite cool, with a lot of tall peaks, sub-tropical vegetation, and a perpetual mist that makes everything seem mysteriously chinese. there are also a lot of monkeys, many of which are evil. there is one "monkey fun-zone" which employs about 100 people to protect the tourists from monkey attacks. i felt like i was in jurassic park at that point, except with monkeys instead of velociraptors.

afterwards we went to leshan to see the world's biggest buddha. it was big. there's nothing more to say about it.

back in chendu we ran into jeff, who you may remember from such earlier posts as "china grande" and "they may be very small, but there are a lot of them". we also went to see the pandas at their ultra-special research base in chengdu (which resembles a standard american zoo). it turns out that the panda habitat has (mostly naturally) declined in such a way that it seperates most groups of pandas, leading to inbreeding and the destruction of the panda's gene pool. most can't even procreate on their own. basically, without humans around, pandas would probably be extinct. also in chengdu i ate some full-strength chengdu hot pot (which made me cry) and saw a chinese punk band that was actually good.

that is all. the next post will have pictures, i promise.

and now we play the waiting game

lanzhou is where dreams of great trips through china come to die. xiahe is where those dreams are reborn.

but first, an explanation of a small change in plans. we decided to cut out the fat of the xinjiang section of our trip, and so arrived in dunhuang about a week ahead of schedule. so that week has since been transferred down south to the land of very spicy food: sichuan. so all you out there tracking my trip on your wall-sized map of china please take note.

lanzhou might be the crappiest city in china. it's down in this valley along the yellow river, surrounded by these huge cliffs. but since the city has exploded in size much like everywhere else in china, it has stretched to about 20 miles long and only a mile wide. also, the drivers of the public buses seem to earn a commission or something, because all the conductors lean out the windows and try to convince people to ride the bus. it's also hot and polluted here.

but we managed to escape three days ago to xiahe, in gansu province, which is probably the best place in china (like anyone could ever know that). the small town is located in a river valley in the mountains that step up to the tibetan plateau (the tibetan plateau, and tibetan people, actually stretch far outside the boundaries of "tibet"). the monestary is the size of a small town, and is the second most important pilgramage point for tibetan buddhists outside of lhasa. the town is full of monks dressed in red robes talking on cell phones, eating out with friends, going to play basketball, etc. we took a tour of the monestary and got to see huge murals made out of yak butter, the monestary's medical school, and the grand hall, which was full of monks meditating (at least the older ones; the younger ones were more content to talk and point at the foreigners on the tour).

we also hiked up one of the mountains that rise up out of the river valley where we kept running into prayer flags tied up in trees and the remains of previous buddhist rites and ceremonies. after we got to the top, we had to run halfway down the mountain again because these five-minute thunderstorms kept rolling through. other highlights: seeing a bunch of monks having tibetan buddhist band practice down by the river, eating yak youghurt, rocking out to phil collins in the hotel restaurant last night, and meeting a monk who wanted to know how many pictures of the dalai lama we had (zero).

right now we're killing time waiting for our train to chengdu, where we might meet up with jeff of beijing and shanghai fame. we're not exactly sure what we're gonna do there, but seeing giant pandas is high on my priority list.

"look out! he's got a uyghur knife!"

dunhuang seems like a place that promotes blog posts. we rolled into town (and back into china proper) this morning into what must be a pretty substantial desert dust storm. there is no one out on the streets, the sky is brown, and my mouth tastes like dirt. so going out into the desert seems like a bad idea right now. the main draw of dunhuang is the ancient buddhist art in some nearby caves, and we're planning to go check those out tomorrow.

the karakoram highway was pretty amazing, and lake karakul itself was also nice, but nothing particularly special. we stayed with a family of khyrgiz people who make up most of the population up there and stayed in their yurt for two nights. i got pretty sick the first night up until we got back to kashgar, so unfortunately i wasn't able to go out hiking. but clark and tyler did, so they can tell you all about it. the lake itself is at about 3600 meters, which is almost 12,000 feet. so not the highest i've ever been, but enough to knock the wind out of you that's for sure.

on the road up there is this crazy place called sand mountain, which is right when the road levels off at the top of the mountains. at that point the river the road follows spreads out into this enormous wet plateau, and on the other side are these sand dunes that tower probably another few thousand feet up these icy mountains. it's like nothing i've ever seen. so i made sure to take some pictures.

back in kashgar we hit up the sunday market, which, i will have to agree with durrell, was a little overrated. it's a great place to do some tourist shopping, but doesn't even compare to hotan's market in terms of crazy central asian market fervor. funny story: we bought a few decorated uyghur (WEE-grrr) knives and then discovered while trying to get on the train that we weren't allowed to carry knives that big. but luckily we bothered the police enough that they let us stuff them in the bottom of our packs. luckily nobody on the train was attacked with a uyghur knife that trip, or we might have been in trouble.

not-so-funny story: we were split up in our hotel in kashgar, and i stayed with these two scottish guys. the first time i ran into them later that afternoon back in our room, i discovered that they had a substantial amount of money stolen from their packs. at first they understandbly suspected me, but i convinced them otherwise and we established that it was probably someone who worked there, etc. whatever. that's why i carry all my money on me, lock up my valuables, and don't leave more than a thousand english pounds in my backpack, even when i'm not staying in a dorm room.

so after two nights on the train we're in dunhuang, waiting for the weather to clear.

Summer Travels

Well it has been a while since my last post, and I am sorry that I have let you loyal fans down. But, after having a great semester in Hangzhou, I am no on my summer trip across western and southwestern China. Last week was the start of my trip and it included travels around xinjiang. I went to 4 cities. Urumqi, Turpan, Korla, and Kasgahar. Out of all the cities I must say I like Turpan the best and Kasghar was just ok. I have to say the Sunday market is way overrated. While, right now I am in Dunhuang getting ready to explore the Famous Buddha caves here and then I am off to the desert for some surfing on sand dunes. If I have time later I will tell you all about it. Well I am out, 100.

i'm dreaming of a pastrami sandwich

muktar of turpan is the craftiest devil this side of baghdad. he immediately sized us up for what we were and then took us down. we went with him up the turpan grape valley, which was a pretty cool place, considering it was in the middle of that blazing desert basin. they dig these underground tunnel systems all through the mountains down to the ground water, then run them together down into the valley, where they grow a bunch of grapes.

anyway, muktar drops us off at the top, where we go in and find the suckiest part of the valley. we tell him that we want to walk to the bottom, which was beyond the scope of our original 100 yuan agreement. so tyler strikes this ridiculous deal with him: if we make it to the bottom in an hour and a half, we pay 130 total, if not, we pay 150. well needless to say, muktar was more clever than a barrell full of jackrabbits. as soon as that hour and a half pulled around he tore as up the valley to find us. once he found us, he tapped his watch and said, "i waited an hour and a half at the bottom for you." sullen and beaten, we rode in silence back into town. but we have to hand it to muktar, he's smarter than a bunch of foreign college students.

a lot has happened since i last wrote. we spent two nights in turpan, relaxing at these beer company sponsered fun squares at night. we were in urumqi for a day, then did a 22-hour bus ride across the taklamakan desert (second biggest in the world) to dusty hotan. in hotan we check out the large sunday market, which should pale in comparasion to kashgar's. then we headed over to yarkand, which sucks a lot, before arriving in kashgar today. much has happened, and more than i can/want to write here. highlights include: seeing every single part of a goat being sold on the street in hotan, climbing around the ruins of an ancient city called gaochang, and seeing a bunch of little chinese/uiygur kids doing coregraphed minority dances under a mao statue in people's square.

what lies ahead? first off, tomorrow we head up the karakoram highway, which enters pakistan, to check out the extreme mountain scenary (we stay on the chinese side, of course). then we get back in time to hit the kashgar sunday market, which is the biggest and best in all of asia. afterwards, it's off to the mountains in northern xinjiang. way far ahead includes tibetan monestary towns and possibly chengdu before heading down to yunnan.

thanks for reading.

"YANG ROU!"

we made it as far as turpan at least. we just arrived at the second lowest place in the world early this morning, and have been walking around the town a bit since. it just got about too hot to handle, which isn't bad considering that it is now 10:45 (beijing time) in the morning, or 8:45 am by any standard notion of time. we arranged with a cab driver named "muktar" to take us to some places tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.

according to tyler, a anthropology major and our resident expert on chinese minorities (he studied it for his one-on-one, though what he came away with was that all the minorities in china like to sing, dance, and love their chinese masters) xinjiang is made up mostly of hui and uigyers (that's almost definitely spelled wrong), both muslim minorities. we wandering into a market to get something to eat, and asked some guy what was in the pastry things he was making. he shouted "meat!" after we asked what kind of meat, he seemed to swell up and with a sweep of his arm shouted "lamb meat!" i guess it was more ridiculous if you were there, though the things tasted pretty damn good.

how has the trip been so far, you ask? just fine, i say. xian was actually a pretty efficient and cool city as far as i'm concerned. we saw the terra-cotta warriors, wandered around the muslim quarter and the city mosque, walked along the walls, and saw the forest of steles musuem, which is a collection of stone tablet-books. they also have a really well-developed sex industry, at least around our hotel.

our train ride from xian to turpan was pretty amazing, with a drastic change of scenary from cultivated planes, to what looked like northern nevada, to the biggest flat piece of earth i've ever seen. also, apparently none of the trains to xinjiang have air conditioning, which made for a lot of laying around being lazy. not like there's anything else to do on a train for 36 hours.

that's it. sorry no pictures this time around. maybe later.

reload

so this it folks. one part of my time in china ends and another begins. our graduation ceremony was this morning, and the language pledge ended, whereupon i discovered that our resident director has an incredible southern drawl. besides a speech by the representative of the university's international institute that included overt references to our studying in china helping develop china's economy, the ceremony was actually pretty nice, with an excellent dvd/video/picture slide show thing that documented our semester.

and what a semester it's been! as you can tell, clark, my co-author of this blog, was attacked and killed by a rare chinese land shark shortly after our arrival in china. this prevented him from ever making a blog post. a few weeks ago we also lost durrell during a trip to shanghai. last we saw of him, he was driving off in a cab with some french girl and a brick of opium the size of a mini-fridge. china weeds out the week, and only the strong can survive to sit in internet bars and post to some rarely-read blog. but on a more serious note, we all had an absolute blast this semester, and it's an experience that will affect us for the rest of our lives. i couldn't have been luckier than to be able to come to china this semester and make the friends i did. i'd just like to send out a big, official thank you to my mom and dad, whose seemingly bottomless pockets when it comes to my education and endless love and support made it all possible.

so what's up next for your fearless author? well i'll tell you. tyler and i are skipping town tomorrow and heading to xian for a night, then off to xinjiang, where the women flock like the salmon of capastrano, or so i've heard. in fact, if you mention any place in china, chinese people will tell you that the women there are very beatiful, except in hangzhou, where west lake eclipses all. after xinjiang, tyler and i are going to skit around the edges of tibet, down in sichuan where we split up and i venture into yunnan all by myself. afterwards, i'm off to hong kong for a few days, then i'm flying down to vietnam to meet everybody's favorite communist duc! then i'm back home on august 2nd. whew!

what does that mean for you, gentle readers? sporadic updates, no gaurentees about pictures until i get to kunming around the 4th of July, but some wild and crazy stories nevertheless. so stay tuned, and send me some e-mails to keep me entertained while waiting for buses and trains in dusty desert outposts. also, if you want anything from kashgar, the craziest market town in the world, let me know and i'll think about it.

yours, etc. BEN

p.s. here are some pictures of our last ping-pong class where we held a tournament. the first is me devestated after coming in dead last, and the second is our class (with our coach on the right) after clark directed us to look "really happy."