The Greatest Blog I've Ever Wrote

This is not the greatest blog I have ever wrote, this is only a tribute. The greatest blog I have ever wrote was destroyed by the natural forces that destroy hard drives and important papers you forgot to save. The greatest blog I have ever wrote was full of political insight, social angst, humor, it was even whimsical at times. It had perfect grammar and was even proofread by an English professor at Oxford. I am sure you would have all loved it but instead you will just have to settle for the tribute. It was so good there are no words in the English language that quite convey how good it is, there are not words in any language on this planet that convey how great it was. There is not even a simile or metaphor I could use to describe how great this blog was, so here is the tribute.

A lot of my fans have been upset because I have not written in a while. Well there is an explanation for that, and it is called Harbin. It totally whipped out my battery and gave me no energy to write that and showing my friend the best of what the expat community has to offer in Beijing. But my battery has been re-energized. So sit back and enjoy the story about a man named 马渡。

And on the 112th day God created ice, and some time after that China created Harbin. I think God creation was more impressive. But you don't have to take my word for it:



If anyone knows a better program for converting ifo files to avi files let me know, because I hate the watermark in the video. Anyway, the tigers in the video look like they are in prison, actually they are in prison, I didn't get it on video but I saw one shank another tiger. It was kind of wild. You will see it on video and you will know it is prison when you see it, but all I have to say is that there are only male tigers in this park. Looking back it was kind of sad to see them walking the yard, plotting their escape. And this is the most important thing to take from the video, there is a Russian restaurant at the end of the video, if you are ever in Harbin DO NOT go to this restaurant, it had the worst food I have ever ever had in my life. We order cream of mushroom and cream seafood soup and it was just warm milk with mushroom and warm milk with shrimp. It was so unpalatable, I thought I was going to throw up ice. The bread was even bad, it tasted like dirty feet. And so were the french fries, how do you mess up french fries, they are like the simplest thing to make in the world. So whatever you do, don't go there. It will make you throw up ice. On another note, you can't see it in the video, but Harbin is the coldest place on earth. I have lived in Vermont and it doesn't even compare. It is colder than a penguin nipple on an icy Antarctic night.



The on thing about the second part of the Harbin trip video that it doesn't quite convey is how flippin freezing it was. And here is the best part about our trip to Harbin it took 15 hours each way and we only spent 12 hours. And the train ride was lovely, it was so good that my friend visiting me has refused to ever ride a train in China again. Good times, good times.

Because I don't remember exactly everything that happened this week I will give you the highlights of the week.

On Wednesday, we went to Purple Haze Bistro for dinner and live jazz. We had a really bad seat by the door because we were late for our reservations. We couldn't even see the band and it was freezing where we were. Once, again the food was sub par but the band was much better than last time, so it made the outing worth it. They had a singer that was really good and then a guy from Denmark came on that had a really soulful sound, a little John Legend or Robin Thicke influence maybe. But the best part of the night was the discover that my friend made, they have a drink there that is scrumptulescent and defies all human logic in terms of test, it is in genius really, the drink is a kiwi mojito. The blend of the sweet kiwi with the bitter test of mojito goes very well together, matching something like ebony and ivory.

On Friday, we went to Blu Bar in Sanlituan and had a good drunken time like always. But before we went we had soju with peach tea. It is the drink we had at the end of the second video. It is a delicious combination. The peach tea hids all the alcohol flavor of the soju. It was probably the highlight of the night, that and running to random midd kids studying abroad here.

On Saturday, we went to the Pink Loft (my favorite place eatery in Beijing) for dinner and then to Centro for drinks. I was so excited to finally go to Centro. I have been wanting to go forever, but none of my friends were willing to go. I had to import friends to finally get someone to go with me. But it was everything I dreamed and more. I am not sure what bar lounge I like more. Its a pretty close tie between Q Bar and Centro. But I think Q Bar slightly edges it out. Only because Centro suffers from PSSP syndrome (pretentious superficial shallow pomposity syndrome). But even though Centro has PSSP syndrome it was still a really nice place. And fit well with my taste. The decor is amazing and there drink list is phenomenal. The best part about the place is the live music, its not as good as Purple Haze Bistro on Wednesday and not even as good as Cheers on the weekends, but it was still nice. And added to the atmosphere of the place. It is probably the best high class lounge in Beijing, much better than Lan, MUCH BETTER. I think my top five favorite bar/lounges in Beijing are as follows:

Q Bar
Centro
Obiwan (only on sundays, because thats the only time I have been)
Aria
Beermania

On Sunday, we went to the Botanical Gardens in the Fragrant Hills. It was fucking freezing outside so luckily they had a green house. I will not talk much about it because there is not much worth saying about it. Instead I will talk about my new number two favorite place to eat in Beijing, the dim sum place right by the Lama Temple. It is so good and cheap. I haven't been to other dim sum places but from what I hear and from my opinion it is the best in Beijing. It definitely has earned my new "Scrumptulescent Gold Star Award.

On Monday, we went to Annie's it was the first time I actually have been to an Annie's restaurant, but I was quite impressed. The food is pretty good. I have ordered take out from the place, but the place is much better to go to and have a sit down dinner.

And that brings me to today, it is my friend's (part of the reason why I have not been writing recently) last day here, so tonight I plan to go to Centro and Purple Haze Bistro after work. Stay tuned for the fascinating details. But if we didn't get good reservations at Purple Haze Bistro, I am not going so there may be no story for that. For me its the best table or nothing from now on.

Highlight of the Day: Learning that I could possible make a dollars in a year by place ads on my blog. Safe to say expect ads to come in the near or distant future.