Catching Up on the Blogging

Currently, I am reading The Savage Detectives by Roberto Bolaño. I am 1/3 of the way through the book and I don’t think I really like, it is a little too pornographic for me and maybe too intelligent for my liking. I have realized that any book that is highly touted by the New York Times Book Review will probably not be in my fav 5. Nevertheless, in honor of this book that I am currently reading, I have decided to write a blog post in its style. This style works for me because I have been neglecting writing blog post, mainly because I have been very busy at work and nothing interesting has happened, and also because this style will make writing one long blog post about multiple events more effective. And when I say in its style, I just mean like diary entries.

Saturday, August 28th

Today, I was ignominiously inaugurated into the confederacy of dunces. Regrettably, it was not a choice. The inauguration was painful and should have probably ended with a trip to the ER. All and all, the experience could have been much worse.

The day started with me waking up with a fever and deciding whether or not I should cancel giving my English class. I thought, no, I won’t cancel, it is only an hour and I earn more in this hour than an hour at my real job. Take the money, leave the cannoli, as the expression goes. Since, I wanted to sleep in because I was feeling terrible, I decided to ride my bike to the class, otherwise, I would have had to leave earlier on the subway. I arrived to the class feeling not extremely terrible, but immediately regretting my decision to bike. Ironically, when the class began, the first thing that we discussed was how dangerous it is to ride your bicycle in Beijing, and how you need to be careful if you do ride (the irony will be apparent soon). When the class finally ended, the only thing I was thinking about was how nice it would be to be in bed right now. And once I got on my bike, I was calculating the time it would take me until I was back in bed; I estimated about twenty minutes.

First, before I explain what happened next, let me tell you. It is pretty routine in China to cross the street even when the little man is not green, especially when the turn signal is green and the rest of the lights are red. Well, while I was in the haze of my fever and day dreaming about my bed, I decided to do one of these routine green turn signal traffic crossing. I should have known this was a bad idea, when I noticed that I was the only one doing this, and normally every Chinese person trying to cross the street is way out in front of me doing this illegal crossing; however, they were all patiently waiting for the light to change. Anyway, I slowly edged my bicycle out in to traffic looking to make sure no cars were coming from my left (cars coming from my left would be making a right hand turn, and they normally don’t stop and/or yield for red lights, as you will read in a minute). No cars from the left, good, I keep going. Now, it’s important that I get the timing right here, because the light is green for the cars making a left turn and red for cars going straight. I have to make my move to cross when a car is to slow to react to the car in front and leaves a ten foot space (cars are normally too slow to react because most drivers here have cell phones attached to their ears or hands making phone calls and text messaging). So, I get the time right and can get a cross the lane where the cars are turning, and I am looking up to my left to make sure the light is still red for cars going straight, and it is. So, I don’t have to rush and I can keep going without any problems and I am that much closer to my bed. However, I made a miscalculation and didn’t take into consideration cars don’t stop at red lights when they make right hand turns. And WHAM! At about 3 mph, I slam my bike into a car that is going about what seems to me 50 mph. As I said in my last post, I have a gym membership now, and luckily I have been using it, and I also think the fact that I played foot ball helped in the fact that I didn’t die. Because, as I slammed in to the side of the car, I instinctively used a technique in football called getting skinning, which means making yourself small at the point of impact, and I bounce off the side of the car and land on my feet, only to have my foot ran over by the tire of the car (I really don’t know if any of this happened as I said, but this is how it played out in my mind, I think the car ran over my foot because it was in pain afterward). So, I am hoping on my left foot, trying to gage whether or not my right foot is broken. It seems okay but has a little pain.

The car stops and the passenger gets out asking if I am okay, and I am thinking oh shit, there is a big scratch in that guys door, he is going to try to make me pay for it. But, as the guy is making sure I am okay, there is fear in his eyes, and I realize that he is probably not going to make me pay for the scratch. So, I am trying to think how can I get out of here quickly, before he changes his mind and tries to make me pay for something (because in my experience and from stories from other people, Chinese people will try to get as much money out of a foreigner when ever an accident occurs, even if they hit them with a car). I tell him, I am fine. And he says something about the light was red, didn’t you see it. I don’t say anything. And he seemed to get belligerent. And I think oh no, I didn’t make my escape in time. Then I remember someone telling me that if a car hits a pedestrian, it is always the cars fault in China. And since, he seems to be getting angry, I ask him if he wants me to call the cops. And he immediately shuts up. I think tides have turned buddy. Then he asked me if I am okay again. And I am like I am fine. And try to ride off, but my bike is FUBAR. The wheel is out of alignment. The driver finally comes around, and inspects my bike, trying to help me fix it so I can leave. After about 10 minutes of him trying to fix my bike, and me getting on trying to ride a way, he offers me money for a cab and asks me if I need to go to the hospital. I say no I don’t want your money. Just give me a ride home, and he is like no way. Finally, after realizing I can’t fix my bike, and at this point I realize I am not that injured because I can walk okay, I tell him that my bike is broken and cannot be ridden, and he offers me 100 kuai to get it fixed. I take it and walk away trying to find the nearest bike stand. And he speeds off not looking back.

I end up walking from Chaoyangmenwai to Sanlitun, which is about 2km. So my foot seems fine, I drop my bike off at a repair stand there, and the guy tells me, I need to replace my whole front end. I am like whatever (I just want to go home and sleep at this point because I feel sicker and now my body aches from being hit by a car), how much does it cost? He says 45kuai, I think it’s less than 100kuai, so it’s okay, and I have money for a cab home. Things are coming up Milhouse. I leave my lock on the ground with him and the bike and hop in the first cab home.
Once I get home, the only thing I am worried about is my fever and only feel a slight pain in foot and leg, and a little pain in my wrist. I guess I hit my wrist on the side of the car. The pain is not intense, and I feel terrible from the flu, so I don’t think I need to go to the hospital. Anyway, I take some flu medicine and the lights go out.

Sunday, August 29th

I wake up with a throbbing pain in my leg and wrist. Hospital time. I go to the ER of Beijing United (I love having insurance) and end up getting checked out by this friendly American doctor. He checks my leg and wrist and says nothing seems broken. He gives me an x-ray on my wrist, just in case, and finds no cracks or breaks. I leave the hospital relieved and go back to bed and overdose myself with flu medication.

Monday, August 30th

Take a flight to Dalian for a business trip. My flu has been downgraded to just a cold and the flu medication is doing a great job at suppressing my symptoms. But, I am popping pills like Skittles every four hours.

Recently, I have heard a great analogy or metaphor or onomatopoeia, whatever the literary device is for what I am about to say. Going to second tier cities in China, is like standing with your mouth open behind the exhaust of a car and throwing a handful of sand and dirt in your face. As for Dalian, it is not as bad as most second tier cities in China, so the air is a little fresher than most cities and there is a little less dirt in the air. The city is on the coast, so that helps maintain the air quality. The city recently had an oil spill off its coast, so it is the Louisiana of China.

Tuesday, August 31st

I had 烤鱼for the first time, which is grilled seafood. Since Dalian is a coastal city, it is famous for its seafood, even if it is enriched with crude oil. I really enjoyed it, except for when the live scallops came, and I watched them being grilled alive in their shells. Watching their shells open and close over the fire was a little disturbing. I think I heard one scream, but that was probably only in my mind. However, its meat was delicious. Later, I poured a little beer out for my dead friend.

Wednesday, September 1st

Ate at the Brooklyn pizza restaurant in Dalian, it was absolutely delicious and I highly recommend you go there, if you ever find yourself in Dalian. For more info, revisit Golze’s blog post on the subject.

Thursday, September 2nd

I am so sick of walking around office buildings and especially shopping malls for work. I am glad I am flying out of Dalian for Beijing.

Friday, September 3rd

After work, I went and watched kendo with my friends. It is one of the most interesting sports that I completely don’t understand. Like, I have no idea what is going on or how points are scored (I found this video of one of the final matches we watched).What attracts me most to the sport, besides watching people be bludgeoned with bamboo sticks is the random yelling. Sometimes, I like to just randomly yell things too, so this sport really interests me (in the opening seconds of the match in the video you can hear what I mean). Also watching the ceremony when they put on their gear is pretty fascinating, it is probably how traditional samurais got dressed.

The most interesting match we watched was with the women. We watched this Japanese lady destroy this Italian lady in like 30 seconds. I guess the equivalent would be watching Mikey T knock someone out in 15 seconds.

Saturday, September 4th

I went to pick up my bike, and it works much better than before I got in the accident. Because the whole front end was replaced it sits much higher and makes it much easier for me to ride. So I guess getting in the accident has an upside. Unfortunately, I have to replace my bike lock because I carelessly threw it on the ground when I left, and according to the repair stand guy, it was stolen.

Epilogue

My leg still hurts, but my wrist is much better.