Yellow and Purple Poodle Dogs

It's been a long time since I last wrote mainly because I have been sick for half this month with something that seemed like pneumonia's evil cousin, but since I am not a 90 year geriatric, I am pretty sure it wasn't. But today, I feel completely healthy again, except for the periodical la duzi I get, which I think will never go away, well never go away as long as I live in China and keep eating the food here.

But two Sundays, ago while I was still sick and it probably was not a good idea, because it just made me feel worse, I decide to have American day. It started out with a nice trip to McDonald's for fries and milk shakes, then off to the baseball stadium to watch the LA Dodgers play the San Diego Padres. There was only one big name major leaguer there (Andruw Jones) and that is probably why the Dodgers ended up wining. I think they one I don't even remember now. But the thing that I do remember most is that they had cheerleaders. Cheerleaders belong in baseball as much as crying belongs in baseball. The other thing they had was these really really noise plastic sticks that have only seen at basketball games. But he they were cool. It was fun hitting people with it. The game was over all pretty enjoy able and was a great start to American day. But something was really annoying, after every foul ball, maybe because baseball is new to China, they warned the public to be aware of fly balls. Every single time. And if you ever watched baseball, there can be like 5 foul balls in a row. I could understand giving the warning like during the foul ball like, watch out its coming right for you seat 5D. But Every single time was obnoxious. But after the game, we took a cab to this new American restaurant, near the new US embassy. It's called the All Star cafe and has joined my top five restaurants especially because my number one has been kicked out of the top five, namely because I saw a rat run across the floor when I was leaving the restaurant. It make me so sad, because the food is so good. But come to think of it, it could be why I have periodical la duzi. Even though I don't think I have ever gotten sick after eating there or just not noticed because la duzi happens to me at least twice a week. Anyway back to All star cafe, they have the best milk shakes in town in my opinion, thats if you can get the right girl to make them. One has no idea what they are doing, I have been there a couple times now. But the milk shakes aren't too think which is often the problem and not to runny like you find at a lot of other restaurants. They have great chicken wing sauce and its the only place in Beijing that I have seen sweet potato fries, gotta love sweet potato fries. It was a great American Day. I need to have more of those.

Last week was my first experience with a sand storm. For obvious reasons, I have never experienced one, namely I have never lived near a desert. But the sand storms in Beijing are not as I thought, It just seems like every other polluted day in Beijing, except the air taste like sand, instead of coal. I am pretty sure that the pollution is 90 percent of the reason that had the pneumonia like thing last week. I think it was just a regular cold that mutated with the pollution and tried turn in to the ninja on me and kill me. For those of you coming to Beijing to visit me or live here, the pollution is not that bad, I am just a big baby and have the immune system of a new born.

I thought I would end with this beautiful picture of a Chinese poodle looking dog. That's the dog's natural color. A combination of pollution and inbreeding makes the dog have a purple tail and yellow ears. Ahhh, Cultural differences are so interesting.

Highlight of the Day: Seeing rain for the first time in a long time. I am pretty sure Beijing is going to have water problems so because it doesn't really precipitate here. And the government finally turning off the heat in my apartment, so maybe Audrey can come back to life and not dry up to death.

The Singapore Sling

Singapore is my new second favorite city in the world, right after Vancouver, B.C and right before Seattle, I just came back from there. Granted, I have not been to that many countries or cities in the world, but regardless, it is my new favorite number two. It is absolutely everything Beijing is not right now (the picture was taken from my camera phone and does not quite capture the beauty, actually it doesn't capture the beauty at all); Singapore is warm, beautiful, luscious, clean, friendly, smells good, and is just plain wonderful. I was only there for two days but I loved it. In particularly, I loved the fact that it greenery it was clean and it was warm. The beach was also pretty flipping amazing.

They night I got to Singapore I was awestruck, I couldn't believe how nice and clean it was. After finally settling down in my amazing hotel room (that is what the video is about), I went to go get a late night meal, and then I was awestruck again. As I walked down Orchard street, I began to notice an abnormal amount of sexily dressed and copious makeup wearing women lining the street. I thought it was kind of odd considering I have heard that Singapore is kind of strict on cleanliness, so I thought these can't be rented company. But sure enough as I began to cross the street a pimp approached me. Seeing rented company on the street is not what made me awestruck again. I stayed in Hamburg, Germany and saw rented company all over the Ripperbahn (the Ripperbahn shocked me, maybe because I was young, maybe because I have never seen woman selling themselves in windows before, whatever it was it was something I could not comprehend at first). I love that word RIPPPER BAHN sounds so German. Anyway, what struck me was what happened after I finally walked around and found a place to eat. I end up going to some place called something monkey or other. I don't remember the name. I went there because I was trying to find Singaporean food because I have never had it. The place had a great strawberry banana smoothie and good chicken fettuccine. I would go back for just the smoothies if I could. Back to what awestruck me, as I was sitting at the table waiting for food, some guy asked me what I was doing in the area, but he asked in the way like what are youuuuuu doing in this area. I was like ah, I am here at this hotel and wanted something to eat. He gave me that yeah right look, and was like I am serious, what is wrong with this area? Even though I had already noticed the rented company everywhere. He was like well if you have noticed this is the area for rented company. He was like just go in that door over there and you will see. So after I finished eating I, went to inspect. What I thought was just some random building or a mall (which it probably is in the day time) was not what it seemed. It was like a mall full of rented company. I have not seen that many rented company people in one place in my life. I mean I have only seen the RIPPPPPER BAHN, but still it was a mall full of rented company. Like you could just go in and try on whatever you like. It wasn't until letter on my cab ride home talking to the tax driver that I found out rented company was legal in Singapore.

But before my cab ride out of the my number two favorite city. I went to the beach (East Coast Beach Park, I think was the name). And it was amazing. Probably not the best beach in the world, but better than all the beaches I have been to in Beijing. I loved it. Palm trees, sand, fresh fruit juice stands, good Singaporean food and those things that twinkle in the sky, for the longest time I forgot they existed. I was laying on the beach watching the sunset and all of sudden it go dark and these bright lights were in the sky that didn't move. And was like what the hell is that and there were three of them in a row. And I finally realized on, thats Orion's belt. I have seen that before, just not through the pollution in Beijing. Anyway, I am just kidding, the pollution is not that bad in Beijing, please Chinese government don't arrest me, I like it here, kind of.

Singaporean food is incredible bona fide scrumptulescentness. My favorite is the sweet not the savory, don't get them confused, fried carrot cake. It is not carrot cake in the sense westerns might think of carrot cake. It is more like the Chinese 年糕 and very very good. But my favorite was the fresh fruit juices. I have never had fresh lime juice or fresh sugar cane juice. They both get the gold star of scrumptulescentness. I know what you are thinking sugar cane's don't produce juice or sugar cane juice must be sweet as hell, well yes, sugar cane juice is sweet but not as sweet as you would think. I have had people's kool aids that tasted way sweeter. And lime juice, to my surprise not that sour. Not that sour at all. Why I thought they were sour, I don't know, but they are not. And also green apple-orange-pineapple juice is amazing. Who would have thought, not me. I need to learn more about fruit. Fruitology seems pretty important in terms of improving my tastology.

Highlight of the Day: Coming back to a warmer Beijing, but I much rather be in Singapore right now.

Beijing Live Music Scene

Last weekend was really fun. I got a chance to discover some new live music places. The first place I went to was on VD. It was One East on Third. They had an excellent VD menu by the way, they parred the wine very well with the meal. But the live music was not so great. It was just music that is nice to listen to during dinner. One I am even mentioning it I don't know. But if you like to eat and listen to music it is an okay place and a good place to take someone on VD.

The places that I did discover last weekend were the Nashville, CJW and Oriental Taipan Bar.

The Nashville, is a live music bar that plays live country and blues. I normally don't like country music, but when you hear it live, it sounds so much better. I can understand a lot better why people like it now. I am not going to say that this band that played that night was playing great country music, because I don't really know. But it played well enough.

CJW is a great place, because it seems so pretentious but in a different way than Centro. When you walk in to CJW you know it is going to be expensive and then you look at the menu and you are like yup I was right. But the band that they have playing there this month is really good. They play old school songs. And the dream is the best I heard since I been to China. But if you are going to go all the way to the Place, I suggest that you don't go just to see CJW. If I were you I would have dinner at the Ganges first. It is by far the best Indian food I have had since I have been to Beijing.

The other place I found last weekend, and probably my new second favorite place to listen to live music is Oriental Taipan Bar. The jazz trio they have playing their is as my friend said we studies music, so tight. They compose their own music and play so much in sync. It is much different than the jazz you hear at the East Shore Live Jazz Cafe. Which is often not as polished and the drummer tends to go off on his own tangents and hit the drum to hard. But the ESLJ Cafe is still my favorite place to listen to jazz. Just something about it. Maybe its the atmosphere. I learned recently the owner of the ESLJ Cafe used to play in for Cui Jian, the godfather of Chinese rock. Why that is important to not, I don't know. But the pianist is a teacher a conservatory and really good. But back to the Oriental Taipan Bar, it is great and the band plays in a little space in the back, so it has a one on one feel with you and the band. And the great part about it is they have two for one beer specials and 25 kuai wine. Probably the best deal in Beijing, in terms of real alcohol. You can always go to Pure Girl and Nanjie and drink fake alcohol and that beer that test like piss. But piss beer has its place too.

I have decided that my life has become so ordinary here in Beijing. Nothing really exciting happens to me anymore. I might as well be living in the States. I long for the days when monkeys used to attack me and people would kill birds in the classrooms I was studying in. Thus, I have decided to change the direction of the blog to inform, my main readership, mostly my friends and family who plan to visit me, mostly. About things to do in Beijing, that way when they come I can be like you read my blog, you already know what I know. So what do you want to do and I don't know is not an exceptable answer.

Highlight of the Day: Knowing that today is the last day of Spring Festival and that they can no longer set off fireworks. I am so tired of hearing them, they are incessant. The picture above is to mark the end of the Spring Festival. Because after tomorrow the tree is probably going to be taken down. Don't ask me what a X-mas tree and a reindeer have to with Spring Festival only the guardians of the tree can tell you that.

Spring Festival 2008 or 2007 (I am not quite sure what year it would be) Through Pictures

This blog will probably be in two parts but probably not. Anyway, instead of me writing a long boring blog about what I did. I am just going to use a slideshow to explain most of the things that happened, I say most because that was a week or two ago and I forgot most of the thing that happened already. Anyway just enjoy the pictures.

Exploring Beyond Nanluoguxiang

Two weeks or so ago, (I don't remember now, the events from my spring festival trip are still in my mind) I went to explore the hutongs north of nanluoguxiang. Here are some of the pictures from that event in a nice pretty slideshow (google products are so amazing).



It was a great place to visit, but the best thing about it besides the culture and interesting sights is the cafe called Siif. The place just opened last month and not many people know about it yet. I feel like it is going to get only better as it gets warmer. It has a small but quaint rooftop and the furniture is really interesting and from what I hear hand made. But from now on, what defines a good cafe from a great one, besides the atmosphere and music (Siif plays house, hip-hop, and jazz fusion), is whether or not the make a good bailey's hot chocolate. And even though it was not on the menu, the bartender made one hell of bailey's hot chocolate. But if you don't like good music, not overcrowded, relaxing, cool layout (Siif has these cool glass floors, would not advice wearing a skirt in this place) and good drinks, Siif is not the place for you. Oh and it has wifi, if you need to bring your computer there for some reason. Any, the tone of this blog is all wrong. It is not supposed to be a guide on where to go in Beijing. It is supposed to be about the me. The most important topic in the world. So future blogs will definitely be about that and slideshows, lots and lots of slideshows. Who doesn't like looking at someone else's pictures and experiences.

Highlight of the Day: Returning from my spring festival trip, more on that excursion in the next blog.

My Official Endorsement for President of the United States

I know this blog is not about US politics and I normally try to stir clear of politics in general. But once in every generation there is a person that moves you and inspires you in the hope and future of your country. It is a person that rebukes the status quo and offers a message of change and message of a world that you can believe in, a world that you want to be a part of and make better. It is a message beyond hope, but a message of a brighter future that you know can and will be achieved.

Many will say this person doesn't have enough experience or that this person cannot will because of their race or gender. But I say experience only matters if it helps you make the right decision. Experience is not a guaranteed to path to making the right choices are to even lead. Some people have inherent wisdom and know how to collect and internalize information in ways that paints a picture that others cannot see and that focus on the bigger picture. And these are the people that need to lead our country into the future. And this person has this.

Her wisdom is built on the back of the beast called adversity. This person knows what it is like to struggle and be told you cannot do it. This person is a knows what it is like to have very little and work their way up through law school and the upper reaches of society. This person has never let the people tell her that she could not achieve because of the color of her skin or because she was a women.

She is one the most brilliant and one of the most powerful speakers I have ever heard. She moves people in a way that JFK and MLK used to. She is one of the only people that I have heard that can tell a crowd that they are not good enough and still have them cheer and believe in her message. She will have the backing of a politically experience and tested husband to help guide her when she is in the white house. She is the candidate that best embodies the democratic message and best embodies the democratic party and best represents where we have been and where we are going. She is what you would get if you combined the best of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. She is the future and the hope of the United States and that is why I am official endorsing Michelle Obama for President.

Thanks Golzer

I have been recently informed that my facts about the world are all wrong and that China is no longer the second largest country in the world. Apparently, China has given over some of its land to its neighbors to become the fourth largest country in the world. It was very gracious of them and a gesture of goodwill.

But more important yesterday, I forgot to report that I had one of the best Chinese winds I have ever had. It doesn't mean it was good, it was just the best Chinese wine I have ever had. It was a red wine and surprisingly it was kind of cold. But the win was a 1996 Greatwall. All the other Greatwalls I have tried taste like piss. I have not been very impressed at all with the Chinese wine skills.

And speaking of the fine things. Last week, I discovered a great place to listen live Jazz. It is probably my new favorite play to listen to live music. All though Cheers on Saturday is really good too. But the place is in Houhai and it is called the East Shore Live Jazz Cafe. It is like the kind of place that you feel like Miles Davis began his career at. It has a nice chill atmosphere, the perfect place to listen to old school improvised jazz. It is much different than the jazz seen at Centro and Purple Haze Bistro. It doesn't feel polished. And the band we saw was a local jazz group. It was as good as any band that I have seen play in NYC. It is definitely a place that anybody who lives in Beijing and likes jazz should go to.

The best places to listen to live music that you don't have to pay for are (except for the drinks and this is heavily bias because I like Jazz):

East Shore Live Jazz Cafe
Cheers (only on Saturday when they play Latin music, I don't know if they have music other days but maybe. probably should be something I should check out.)
Centro
Purple Haze Bistro (only on Wednesday)

Highlight of the Day: Figuring out that I am not as smart as I pretend to be and the pancakes that I ate this morning. They could have used some Vermont maple syrup but they were still good though.

Blistering Snowstorms

Recently, many people have been asking me the same question over and over again. So I thought I would address it before another person asks me. I am very grateful for all of your concern and support. I am not entirely sure if the problem is that the news is saying that China is facing a snowstorm and not actually addressing which region is being affected and/or if people just don't know where Beijing is on a map of China and/or if people don't realize that the China is the second largest country in the world (the US is the 4th largest can you guess who number three is?) and/or if people are just monkeys and don't think. But anyway, I think it has snowed maybe three times since I have been in Beijing and each time the snow was on the ground for less than 24 hours. This is kind of bad, but I didn't even know that there was a snowstorm problem in China until people started asking me if I was frozen in the snow. However, this is a good and bad thing. It is good because it should help me in my job and it is bad because I have heard from a reliable source that it is snowing very heavily in Hangzhou, the place I am going next week, so that I can participate in the world's largest mass emigration. Every hope with me that my train gets there.

I think besides that, that is the only semi-interesting thing going on in my life, well maybe that and the fact that I am going to be on CCTV in France. Actually, I might be on CCTV in France. Recently one of my friend was invited to be a star for a show on CCTV and she asked me to come along and help make her show interesting. And me being the person I am, the type to enhance any setting or situation, I gladly participated and probably stole the show and/or made it better. Once I get a copy I am sure it will be on this blog. The picture is me on an awesome ice bike. I was doing so narley tricks on it. I am hoping to make it a new X game event for 2009. And the other picture at he being speaks for itself. Well, maybe not it is a picture of a guy swimming at Houhai, where we did the interview. It also shows that there is no snowstorm here.

I have been to a couple of new cafes and restaurants. If you ever have chance to go on a date in Beijing. I suggest Metro, it is a nice intimate Italian restaurant. While the food is not that good, Annie's is by far better and probably my third favorite restaurant in Beijing, pushing Mare to number 4, the ambiance is excellent. You take a girl there and you will be guaranteed to have a happy ending to the night. And four any of you who have been to Nanluoguxiang, you will know that there are like a billion cafes there. However, the best one by far in my opinion (and my opinion is very valid because I have been to a total of maybe three cafes there) is the Sand Glass Cafe. The thing that makes this place great besides its great old rustic feel and atmosphere is that they have probably the worlds best bailey's hot chocolate. It is better than the awesom-o 3000. It seriously, probably my new favorite winter drink, it warms you well after the warmth of the cup is gone. It gets the gold star for scrumptulescentness.

Highlight of the Day: Realizing that I been fulling some of my New Years Resolutions. Well one, and that is working out once a month. I am well on my way to getting back in shape and back to good health. I hope exercise cures la duzi. Actually, the real highlight of the day was the fact that it is a nice relatively warm and pollution free day.

Disaster Comes in the Form of Chili Powder

Last Friday, I went to Pizza Hut with my colleagues and it was an interesting experience. It was not only interesting because of the Pizza Hut itself, but because of the conversation I had with my colleagues. It is always interesting to hear the Chinese perspective on things, from their views of Taiwan down to their views of the disabled, and the latter is very interesting, but I will discuss that in a second; I am trying to talk about Pizza Hut right now. In terms of there pizza it is as gross or maybe grosser than Pizza Hut in the States. I hope nobody is under the delusion that Pizza Hut is quality pizza, even though my Chinese colleagues think it is, which was fascinating to find out. They definitely expressed there views on how they detested Italian pizza and thought pizza hut was better, they like it better because the crust is thick. Anyway, the Pizza Hut is much nicer in China than it is in the States. It is actually a nice sit down restaurant that you would take a date too. And if you did she (in this case she is a native to China) would probably be impressed, because it is expensive. The things they serve are much different than in the states or I assume they are different because I have not been to Pizza Hut in years, but they are different in the sense that Pizza Hut serves up an array of fried food here, anything from fried fish to fried onions. Having sufficiently discussed my impressedness of Pizza Hut in China, my colleagues opinion of disabled people might shock and or awe people. They basically see them as a burden on society and say that the Chinese government doesn't do enough to help them, so disabled people have terrible lives in China, which is why they are a burden. China definitely is not a handicapped person's paradise considering one they are looked down upon and two I have only seen one handicapped accessible place in all of Beijing, and that was at my number two favorite restaurant in Beijing. But the thing that was most shocking that one of my colleagues said to me, well let me preface this, one colleague told me that many Chinese people kill their children when they are babies if they see that they are handicapped, just because the life is so hard for the children and society doesn't except them, then I asked my colleague if she would kill her baby if she saw that it was handicapped and without hesitation or flinting she said she would. And that was the end of the lunch and we headed back to work.

After work, I went to my number four favorite restaurant in Beijing. It is a Taiwanese restaurant near Dongsishitiao. It is my number four favorite just because they easily make the best salads in all of Beijing, if not all of Asia. It is by far the best salad I have ever had in Asia. We went because my MCIA friend is leaving for 50 days to take a "trip" across southeast Asia, but we know what he is really doing. And after that we went to Passer By Bar. It is a really nice bar in the heart of Nanluoguxiang, it is not good enough to crack my top five favorite bars/lounges, but it was still nice and cozy, and the long island I had was not bad, but it wasn't good either.

Anyway Saturday, I did pretty much nothing except find my number three favorite restaurant in all of Beijing. My number three favorite restaurant in Beijing is called Mare. The atmosphere is really nice there and it would be a good place to take a date, if you wanted to impress her. It would be much better than going to Pizza Hut for either a local or foreign girl, even though Pizza Hut does have a brand name behind it. The service is good and the food was pretty good too. The thing I live about the restaurant is the Tapas, it is a Spanish restaurante by the way. They have a large variety and the selection is not bad either. We had the chicken and potato tapas very good. We also ordered the Paella, which requires at least two people and takes 40 minutes to make. The paella was good, not the best in the world, but good for Beijing Dining. But this restaurant, called Mare, definitely has been vaulted in to my number three favorite spot. I think the thing that my have put it in to number three is the lemon honey water they have. It was so good and helped to sooth the pain in my throat from the dry ass Beijing air.

And on Sunday, I got to go to My number two favorite restaurant, the Dim Sum place near the Lama Temple. There I got an interesting new concoction of boiled coke and ginger, and not the kind you sniff but the kind you drink. It was pleasantly good. It first has a sweet taste of cola and a strong spicy after taste of ginger. It doesn't go well with Dim Sum but it was good. The lemon honey water at the Dim Sum place is not good don't even try it. If you want Lemon Honey water go to Mare. I might just go to Mare to drink lemon honey water. After Dim Sum, I went to help my roommate find stuff to decorate my apartment. If any of you have been unfortunate enough to see my apartment before my roommate arrived, you would be shocked by the amount of stuff that has been added since her arrival. My apartment no longer looks the bachelor pad of someone who doesn't care, instead it looks like the crazy diabolical scheme of a French fiend. Sometimes you can find art and peacefulness in emptiness. Anyway, I spent the whole day trying to help her pick lights and curtains for the apartment and in the end we end with nothing, except this Christmas light thing that I had to buy, because I have the mind of a child. But even though, I have the mind of a child, I purchased my first power tool right after. Yeah, its a big MANLY drill. I started to just drill random wholes in the wall, just to show how MANLY I am. Lets see them call me gay now, I will put a power drill in their ass.

On Monday, I had Papa Johns. Not as good in the us but way better than Pizza Hut (I could be bias because in the US Papa Johns is my favorite pizza of that variety). Anyway, if you need to order Pizza and you can't get the Kros Nest to deliver, Papa Johns is the way to go. They even give you jalapenos. And the onion rings are probably good too, if they don't come cold to your house.

And two day I cooked chicken tacos. I must say some times in life you fail miserable at it and you just have to chalk it up as a failure and then move forward amicably. A word of advice don't put too much chili powder in your tacos, it makes the tacos taste like chili and gives you taco flavored kisses.

How to Make Love to a Pineapple

On Wednesday it was my friend's last day here, so she decided that she wanted a night out that involved live jazz music. I was obviously was not against the idea. The night started out at my number two favorite bar in town, Centro. The jazz band that was there the last time I went was there again. I think they were better this time than last. But more importantly, I have decided that I need a signature drink, a drink that defines me. A drink that when I go out, people associate that drink with me. A drink that says power, intelligence, success, balls. A drink with a name something like "Max Power" or Money. So if anyone has any suggestions let me know. In the mean time, I have tried two drinks at Centro that no one should ever try. The first and the worst drink ever is the Tian Mi Mi, what makes this drink so bad is the beans the put in it, it is the same beans the use to make Dou Sha, you know the purple ones. And it has this foam stuff on the top, anyway, it is disgusting. The next drink I had was a lychee Caipirinha. A Caipirinha is a good drink, just not with lychee, if you get it still with the lime version.

After Centro, we went to Purple Haze Bistro and surprisingly the food was good this time. Maybe I was feeling the effects of the drinks from Centro, but the food was outstanding. We had shrimp on sugar cane that was delicious, but looking back, the part I enjoyed the most was chewing on the sugar cane more than the shrimp. The pad thai was bangin'. Last time it didn't taste that good, but this time the sprinkled some crack in it or something. And the other thing I had was the pineapple fried rice, it was probably the best I have had in China (my friend loved it so much he wanted to make love to it), and I don't think that was because of the alcohol, it was just done really well. I was quite impressed with it. However, the things that were not as good as last time were the kiwi mojitos (me pretending to drink one in the picture) and the live music. I was so disappointed with both. Normally when they make the kiwi mojitos they put a lot of kiwis this time they added a lot of kiwi flavoring that made taste overly sweet and artificial. And the worse part was the music, I wanted to hear jazz, but instead they had some folk singing people, on some Sarah Mclachlan, Jodi Mitchell tip. At one point they played "No Woman, No Cry" and I almost cried because of how they butchered a great song. But overall the night was good and multiple mojitos were consumed by all.

Yesterday is probably one of my best days I have had in China. It even started off great with my walk to work. It doesn't happen often because of one of two things happens the first of which is I have my ipod blaring in my ears and the second he is just not there. But today I heard the old man in the underpass on my way to work playing his flute. Even though I don't hear it often when ever I hear it, I love it. Not enough to drop a few dollars in his bucket. But it always uplifts my mood on my way to work. And after work, it was snowing, it was only the second time it has happened here this year. It was nice to finally see some snow fall. It was good to walk home watching the snow fall while listening to jazz on my ipod.

The thing that made the day great was the dinner I made. I don't cook often and the only reason I did cook is because I lost a bet, something that seems to be happening to me a lot. For some reason I can't win a bet here, I need to stop making them. Anyway, I ended up making Chicken quesadillas that a paired with a nice Chilean chardonnay. Actually the chardonnay was too strong and it didn't go very well with the quesadillas. Or maybe I just didn't like the chardonnay, it will probably be the last Chilean chardonnay I buy, I will stick with there sauvignon blancs, I always like them. The dessert was really good and simple, for dessert we had dove chocolate with a bottle of Italian Moscato d'Asti. It is an ambrosial dessert wine and gets my platinum star of scrumptulescentness. It is not as good as my favor wine, muscat, but it was still effervescent and flavorful. I first tried a moscato d'asti at One East On Third a restaurant at the Beijing Hilton Hotel. We went there last Sunday because they had a guest chef, Pichet Ong, making his signature desserts. We had a ginger date toffee cake and a walnut crust cheese cake. The ginger date toffee cake was nothing special and walnut crust cheese cake was just okay. The best thing we had there was the moscato d'asti. Anyway back to yesterday, the thing that made the day the even better besides the great food I made and the wine and the snow and the flute playing is the fact that I finally went to bed before 2 am and get a full nights sleep. This morning I actually was not tired and I was shocked. I am going to mark it as the best day here so far.

In Beijing its important to remember that hotel bars and restaurants are places for the rich and ostentatious. So it is important that when you walk in to these restaurants and bars to act like you own the place. Remember to walk in with your chest puffed up and with an air of self importance. Don't look at other people in the room and if you do, make sure that you look at them with a certain distain and/or disgust. And when you talk to a waitress, because these places only have pretty Chinese waitresses, while at least the posh of the posh have pretty ones, make sure that you speak to them like the are stupid and beneath you, I mean they are only waitresses and they are serving you, so in a sense they are your servant. I also make to dress nice and get a seat in front of the band because these places always have live music and if you are not being seen then what's the point?

Tonights line up is dinner at the Taiwanese restaurant and drinks at some bar.

Highlight of the Day so far: Waking up not tired

The Greatest Blog I've Ever Wrote

This is not the greatest blog I have ever wrote, this is only a tribute. The greatest blog I have ever wrote was destroyed by the natural forces that destroy hard drives and important papers you forgot to save. The greatest blog I have ever wrote was full of political insight, social angst, humor, it was even whimsical at times. It had perfect grammar and was even proofread by an English professor at Oxford. I am sure you would have all loved it but instead you will just have to settle for the tribute. It was so good there are no words in the English language that quite convey how good it is, there are not words in any language on this planet that convey how great it was. There is not even a simile or metaphor I could use to describe how great this blog was, so here is the tribute.

A lot of my fans have been upset because I have not written in a while. Well there is an explanation for that, and it is called Harbin. It totally whipped out my battery and gave me no energy to write that and showing my friend the best of what the expat community has to offer in Beijing. But my battery has been re-energized. So sit back and enjoy the story about a man named 马渡。

And on the 112th day God created ice, and some time after that China created Harbin. I think God creation was more impressive. But you don't have to take my word for it:



If anyone knows a better program for converting ifo files to avi files let me know, because I hate the watermark in the video. Anyway, the tigers in the video look like they are in prison, actually they are in prison, I didn't get it on video but I saw one shank another tiger. It was kind of wild. You will see it on video and you will know it is prison when you see it, but all I have to say is that there are only male tigers in this park. Looking back it was kind of sad to see them walking the yard, plotting their escape. And this is the most important thing to take from the video, there is a Russian restaurant at the end of the video, if you are ever in Harbin DO NOT go to this restaurant, it had the worst food I have ever ever had in my life. We order cream of mushroom and cream seafood soup and it was just warm milk with mushroom and warm milk with shrimp. It was so unpalatable, I thought I was going to throw up ice. The bread was even bad, it tasted like dirty feet. And so were the french fries, how do you mess up french fries, they are like the simplest thing to make in the world. So whatever you do, don't go there. It will make you throw up ice. On another note, you can't see it in the video, but Harbin is the coldest place on earth. I have lived in Vermont and it doesn't even compare. It is colder than a penguin nipple on an icy Antarctic night.



The on thing about the second part of the Harbin trip video that it doesn't quite convey is how flippin freezing it was. And here is the best part about our trip to Harbin it took 15 hours each way and we only spent 12 hours. And the train ride was lovely, it was so good that my friend visiting me has refused to ever ride a train in China again. Good times, good times.

Because I don't remember exactly everything that happened this week I will give you the highlights of the week.

On Wednesday, we went to Purple Haze Bistro for dinner and live jazz. We had a really bad seat by the door because we were late for our reservations. We couldn't even see the band and it was freezing where we were. Once, again the food was sub par but the band was much better than last time, so it made the outing worth it. They had a singer that was really good and then a guy from Denmark came on that had a really soulful sound, a little John Legend or Robin Thicke influence maybe. But the best part of the night was the discover that my friend made, they have a drink there that is scrumptulescent and defies all human logic in terms of test, it is in genius really, the drink is a kiwi mojito. The blend of the sweet kiwi with the bitter test of mojito goes very well together, matching something like ebony and ivory.

On Friday, we went to Blu Bar in Sanlituan and had a good drunken time like always. But before we went we had soju with peach tea. It is the drink we had at the end of the second video. It is a delicious combination. The peach tea hids all the alcohol flavor of the soju. It was probably the highlight of the night, that and running to random midd kids studying abroad here.

On Saturday, we went to the Pink Loft (my favorite place eatery in Beijing) for dinner and then to Centro for drinks. I was so excited to finally go to Centro. I have been wanting to go forever, but none of my friends were willing to go. I had to import friends to finally get someone to go with me. But it was everything I dreamed and more. I am not sure what bar lounge I like more. Its a pretty close tie between Q Bar and Centro. But I think Q Bar slightly edges it out. Only because Centro suffers from PSSP syndrome (pretentious superficial shallow pomposity syndrome). But even though Centro has PSSP syndrome it was still a really nice place. And fit well with my taste. The decor is amazing and there drink list is phenomenal. The best part about the place is the live music, its not as good as Purple Haze Bistro on Wednesday and not even as good as Cheers on the weekends, but it was still nice. And added to the atmosphere of the place. It is probably the best high class lounge in Beijing, much better than Lan, MUCH BETTER. I think my top five favorite bar/lounges in Beijing are as follows:

Q Bar
Centro
Obiwan (only on sundays, because thats the only time I have been)
Aria
Beermania

On Sunday, we went to the Botanical Gardens in the Fragrant Hills. It was fucking freezing outside so luckily they had a green house. I will not talk much about it because there is not much worth saying about it. Instead I will talk about my new number two favorite place to eat in Beijing, the dim sum place right by the Lama Temple. It is so good and cheap. I haven't been to other dim sum places but from what I hear and from my opinion it is the best in Beijing. It definitely has earned my new "Scrumptulescent Gold Star Award.

On Monday, we went to Annie's it was the first time I actually have been to an Annie's restaurant, but I was quite impressed. The food is pretty good. I have ordered take out from the place, but the place is much better to go to and have a sit down dinner.

And that brings me to today, it is my friend's (part of the reason why I have not been writing recently) last day here, so tonight I plan to go to Centro and Purple Haze Bistro after work. Stay tuned for the fascinating details. But if we didn't get good reservations at Purple Haze Bistro, I am not going so there may be no story for that. For me its the best table or nothing from now on.

Highlight of the Day: Learning that I could possible make a dollars in a year by place ads on my blog. Safe to say expect ads to come in the near or distant future.

Happy New Year From The Big Dumpling

I was so sick for New Years, but because I didn't want to be alone. I sucked it up and meet my friends at Q Bar, which probably my favorite bar in Beijing. But lucky for my half my friends were sick also. I would say a good fifty percent of the people in this picture were sick. Thank god for Dayquil it helped me get through the night. Today, I feel a lot better. I think it was the Dayquil and the classic but goody drink had at the club. Maybe you don't remember this, but I am pretty sure that is why I feel better today, but I had a greentea and whiskey last night. And it was just as good as I remember. I am pretty sure the whiskey helped bring out the antioxidants. I think green tea and whiskey is the best thing for a cold. New Years was funny. I am pretty sure everyone had a good time. At least from the pictures everyone had a good time. And I have to say, my beard looks so good. I don't care what my hater roommate says, my beard looks amazing. But what is really amazing is the amount of drunk people from this night, I think half the girls ended up throwing up. I guess they just can't handle there liquor.

I am pretty sure that being sick in Beijing is worse than being sick anywhere in the world. It is so dry here it makes your nose hurt. And the pollution doesn't help either.

My New Years Resolutions:

Increase my political influence (ways to increase my political influence: bring a government to Belgium, start my track to become president, bring peace to Darfur)

Increase my wealth (sell my blog to the wall street journal or newsweek or time, start my own hegde fund or private equity firm, or just finally sell some coal)

Become healthier (start working out once a month)

Do one of things I have been meaning to do (learn Spanish, go to South America, learn to play the harmonica, get people to stop calling me gay)

Chinese New Years would have been a little better if I knew where to go to see the fireworks. But having said that the count down was fun and being with my friends was good even though I was hella sick. There was only one missing from the group, too bad he went home.

And I leave you with a picture of the fellas.



Highlight of the Day:Waking up and feeling a little better

I Want My Mommy

It is New Years Eve and I am h.ella sick. I have the flu and right now a pretty mild fever. When I woke up this morning it was much worse. Right now, I am waiting for my friend and roommate to leave so I can go back to sleep. They are so loud.

Anyway, I have seen a couple of cool things since my friend arrived. I saw Tiananmen square again. They had all these Japanese flags flying. I thought it was weird because the Chinese hate the Japanese. I am so high off of Nyquil right now. I don't think I will be able to finish this post. I don't know what I was going to say. Let me take a nap real quick. Ok, thats what I was going to say. I saw Maozedong's body again. I am no necrophiliac, but I am pretty sure that the body is fake. It looks so waxy. It has to be fake. After going to see the great Mao. We went to Zhongshan park. Zhongshan park was Irish stalker friend's idea. And it sucked. Especially, because it is cold as hell outside right now. I think I got wind burn. It is so cold right now, it is not even funny. I think that was how I started to get sick and not to mention everyone one around me right now is sick.

I think what sent my body in to a downward spiral was going to the 798 yesterday. The 798 is the contemporary art district. It has a lot of cool new age Chinese art. Some of the art is really good, but it is very dark and gloomy. You can see through the art that China's development is considered a dark time. Well, I they are finally leaving so I can go to sleep. So I am going to sleep.

Highlight of the Day: Having someone make me soup.

What The Hell Is Boxing Day?

I don't understand why everyone attacks me and my family has no loyalty. They are supposed be back me up when outsiders are being mean to me. They are traitors. And my roommate is daughter of beelzebub. Thinking back it explains why she didn't want to hear any Christmas music and hates Christmas, the heathen.

And on a complete different note, fois gras is probably one of the worse things I have ever tested in my life. And I have eaten so pretty gross shit here in China. I am pretty sure I have eaten pig ass and frog butt, and that didn't taste nearly as bad as this.

Boxing Day is an interesting Holiday. I don't know what it is really, but it is interesting. I asked my friends from the UK, what the origins were, but they had no idea. But from what I have gathered it is a day of eating leftovers and clean your place after you throw a Christmas party. And there was tons of shit to clean up after the party. Maybe there will be pictures to come of the mess. Damn it, I can't believe I erased the tape. Anyway. Today and yesterday and Christmas Day were pretty shit in terms of pollution, I keep using shit, I need to expand my vocabulary. I would say they ranked in the top ten polluted days since I have been here. It has gotten so bad. You can't even see 20 meters in front of you. I don't get how the athletes train her. I feel like I am going to get lung cancer every time I go outside on these days.

I have a friend coming tomorrow. Actually I have a friend coming about every three months from now on. I haven't seen this friend or hung out with her in years. This should be interesting. She is going to be her for three weeks. I don't know how that is going to work. It should be pretty interesting though. Well now, I am rambling on stupid points, to me more than I normally ramble. I think I might end killing my roommate. I don't understand why everyone wants to fuck with me. I am that fuckable. I just don't get it. It just seems like people come around me and everyone turns into a fucking comedian, it becomes kick 马渡 in the ding ding day or something. Fucking Clowns. Nobody is helping me.

Highlight of the Day: Doing nothing all day but watch movies and make brownies that none of my stupid European friends will get to eat.

Christmas in the O.G. Chinatown

I can't believe what I just did. I was going to have this blog be a complete video of what happened during Christmas, but I accidentally erased all the video. It was good. It had all the food. Everyone was saying Merry Christmas to their friends and family. There was dancing, drinking and just flat out merriment. Hopefully, I can get more pictures and videos from other people. My camcorder is to hard to use I have decided. So, I am not messing with it anymore. But the food was good overall. You know a party is good when I drunk Scandinavian ends up on your couch for the night. Well today is Boxing Day. So maybe I can make a Boxing Day Video.

In an almost completely different note, the food I made was pretty good. about 30% of the people liked it. And thats good enough for me. And I count me, myself, and I in that 30%, so when you think there was about 15 people at the party, that is a pretty good percentage. The corn bread I made, I don't think anyone liked it but me, but they just don't appreciate the beauty of American food. They don't have the right American palate, well everyone except Ehren, but he is part American so that makes sense. Also, even though I got must protest from the maker of the cake for over frosting it. The cake that we made turned out great. There was only three pieces left. Hopefully later today I can get pictures from people of yesterday. I am sure I will have some stuff for Boxing Day. But I have decided that hosting a party is much too much work. There is way too much cleaning involved and much to my disappointment my Aiyi didn't come today, so I had to clean all that shit up with my roommate. This post is to be continued.... LOST

Bah Humbug II!

I am so sick of looking at ugly people. I have decided that I will invent something to solve this problem. I am going to attach a stick to my chest and put a mirror on the end of it, so I don't have to look at ugly people anymore, I can just stare at perfection all day.

So the second half of my day has been much better than the first. But I would suggest not watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas with French people. They ask to me questions. They want to know why his heart is two sizes to small and why he wants to steal Christmas. Its like just watch it is a cartoon, stop thinking about it so much.

But so far my Christmas gifts have been good. It has turned out to be a better day. I used my oven for the first time and over cooked so chicken. It is really hard to use an oven when the temperature is in celsius, I suggest being there when someone picks out the oven you are going to use. Damn it, I have to cook tomorrow, I need to figure out the temperatures by then. I will just bring the computer in the kitchen with me I guess.

Highlight of the Day: Getting scarfs for Christmas.

Bah Humbug!

Sometimes I walk and every 15 feet I feel like I need to rub myself in a tub of Purell and/or take a shower in hot hot water. Sometimes you have these days where you look at with so much disgust and loathing, thinking thoughts of malice and violence. Not understand the cultural differences and not willing to understand them, allowing your ignorance to overwhelm all other emotions and completely absorb your rational sensibilities. It comes in a flood, a tidal wave, no a tsunami of Katrinaesque magnitude and destruction. The cultural shock is so enveloping that looking at people is hard, all you think is abhorrent criticisms and base sentiments. But something keeps me here. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it is the warm hearted people I have meet, who are kind and so friendly, or if it is the food, with it is greasy goodness. Something keeps me here and wanting to come back.

I am probably feeling this way because it is Christmas Eve and I haven't made plans yet to steal the presents of the kids of Whoville. Maybe tonight will be better. We will see what happens after work. I am trying to get all the Christmas trees.

My Mind Gave Up On Me

My friend who I think is in the Mongolian CIA and I made plans to get drunk on yesterday, and in the process I discovered the black out recipe. The recipe for black out is very simple. The ingredients you need are two beers, two shots of Bacardi 151, two shots of Grey Goose, and one shot of tequila. Make sure two consume all of these alcohols in 30 minutes, and after consumption wait 45 minutes and you will have achieved success, a completely forgotten night.

But make sure to do this with quality friends, because some friends are iniquitous and will leave you at the bar and the next day they will make up stories of things that you didn't do because you don't remember or they will laugh at you for doing stupid stuff. Man, I need to get some new friends. These current ones are so odious.

Apparently there are videos from this night and pictures that are bad. But because no one will tell me the real story of what happened. So stay tuned. And maybe I can write more once my friends actually tell me the real story of what went on, because the current story is too unbelievable for me to share it. There is no way I could have done the things that they said I did. I just don't even think I have that physical ability to do some of that stuff. I mean it is just not possible. And I just don't think I act that crazy when I am black out. Right?

The Introduction of My Motley Crew

My favorite part of the video is Kirk in the background picking his teeth. Oh, the things people do when they don't know they are being caught on tape. For someone who is a monomaniac, it is surprising how diverse my group of friends are and even though they are all diverse they all manage to unite to fight under a common goal of making fun of the Americans. Normally, Kip takes the brunt of the takes, kind of like a shield, and I like to think of myself as the sword, that uses my amazingly quick and brilliant wit to cut team Europe in half. But now he is gone (Damn it, Kip. You are flippin' everything up), and Team America is reduced to one. I feel like 2pac right now, Me Against the World. I don't know if you can tell from the video, but Kip is just trying to give a little friendly speech and then Team Europe goes on the attack, hatin' on my boy.




See what I have to deal with, and they sing all the time. I don't know who told them they were Destiny's Child. I am pretty sure they don't know what harmonization is. I hope they don't find this blog or they will kill me. At least they won't be able to view it in China.

Yesterday, I went to Purple Haze Bistro, not to be confused with Purple Haze. Every Wednesday, they have live Jazz. So we decide to go there for my friend's birthday. The live jazz was really good. It was a trio: base guitar, drums, electric piano. I will definitely go back, even though the food was not that good. The atmosphere and the ambiance was great, much better than the original Purple Haze. Of the Thai places I have been to so far, actually this includes my whole life, my favorite is the Pink Loft. It is actually my favorite restaurant in Beijing. I have not had anything better yet, not even close to topping the Pink Loft. Every time I got there (a whole three times, the food is always good. As far as Purple Haze, the portions are small, it is expensive, the atmosphere is not that great and well I have no and, but its just not worth going to. I think if you want to have a good time out, Purple Haze Bistro is a good look, but if you want to have good food and pretty big portions, Pink Loft is the place. The House wine we had at Purple Haze Bistro last night was really good, it was a Chilean Chardonnay. Muy Bueno. I was surprised how good it was, considering it was a house wine. But I guess my wine palate is not that sophisticated, so I don't really know what I am talking about.

And for those of you who were wondering, the food I cooked turned out great. The sauce was a little on the gravy side (too much floor), but it was still good. I like my sauces a little thick. But I have food, as long as you add cheese to anything, it will taste good (well almost anything, not my mom's liver, nothing would make the leather of a shoe taste good). I had more to say but I am too distracted with gchat. Claire and Dul have taken away too much of attention for this blog, I guess they need my superior intellect to help them plan dinner and drinks tomorrow. I don't know why plans are so hard to make.

Highlight of the Day: Hearing these little kids sing Christmas songs, I am pretty sure they were not Chinese nationals because their pronunciation was way too good. Not way too good, just too good for them to be native Chinese kids. But I guess they could have been, because they did look Asian and Asians in China generally mean native Chinese people, but that is just a gross generalization.

La Blog Tre Randific

This a video of a new instrument I created, the musical candle (this is the first video I am adding just to see how it works). This is from the day, the girl thought I was gay. Speaking of which, my Aiyi (maid in Chinese) was hanging up one of my pink shirts and while she was doing it she was like is this your girlfriend's or yours. I was like what? Nah, thats mine homie, watch your mouth before you get cut from the team.

Last night was my friend Kip's last night in Beijing for two months. This is going to be a sad and difficult time for me. One, Kip is my only American friend in the group that I hang out with the most. The rest are basically from western Europe or western Europe related countries like French Islands and Australia. He is the only one who has my back when I get attacked by the fascist European friends. And two, he is one of two guys that are actually in the group of people I hang out with. Damn it Kip, why are you leaving me? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Change the subject, because I am very sad about it and need to think of happier things. I am going to take my first crack at cooking a meal for myself. I need to practice before I have my Christmas party, because at my Christmas party everyone has to bring a dish they created themselves. I am thinking there is going to be a lot of burnt food. But hopefully with a little practice I can come up with something before the big day. After buying all the groceries for cooking the meal the other day, I realized that cooking in China is significantly more expensive than going out to eat. Cooking involves buying so much shit, pots, pans, plates, cups, glasses, and that doesn't even include the food and shit that goes into the actual meal. Financially speaking, cooking in China is stupid. You lose your time value of money and the opportunity cost that is sunk into the whole operating is pointless. There is little revalue created and the margins of cooking for yourself are value thin after subtracting the cost from the earnings. With a risk premium of .05 and a beta of .23 and and a risk free rate of .01, I have estimated the NPV and IRR at just above negative values, so cooking in China makes about as much sense as Amaranth trying to corner the nat gas market (what fucking idiots, right?). But anyway, I am about to make that food my bitch. Like a Zen Buddhist I have already cooked it in my mind, and that is pretty much the same thing.

Highlight of the Day: Today's highlight of the day you might not think is a highlight, but I think it is interesting. I finally figured out why Chinese people have their special smell. And its because its not normal for them to shower everyday, so that makes a lot of sense. And it also explains why Anyir doesn't like to shower.