Forget it. It's New Zealand Town.

There were several times in New Zealand where I felt like I was literally in an episode of "Flight of the Conchords." The first was shortly after arrival, when, after sleeping a few hours in the Christchurch airport I went into town and got on a bus that took me across the south island to Te Anau (tee-AHnoo). Throughout the trip, the bus driver took it upon himself to give us a running commentary on the places we passed, but these places weren't interesting at all. As we were leaving Christchurch: "and this intersection used to be a bit tricky, but Councilman Gary," as if we all knew Gary, "got it turned into a roundabout last year." Or, as we drove through Timaru: "The Timaru candle factory closed down a while back, but primary school students still come through here quite often to see the old works, and learn how candles are made..." And this was not a tour bus, mind you, but New Zealand's equivalent of Greyhound.

The bus driving scene starts at 2:38, but this is all pretty funny

In many ways, New Zealand is the opposite of China. If China at the forefront of what is happening in the world, New Zealand feels like edge of the world. Australians like to think of New Zealand as a backwater, and to a certain extent they're right; I mean, this is a place that didn't get color television until 1973. The local newspapers are all a bit simple, and many places marked on the map are little more than a smattering of houses between the road and the "bush."

New Zealand's chief attraction

But none of that really matters, because New Zealand is the most ridiculously scenic place in the world, and it's all packed into two easily navigable islands. In this sense, it reminded me of a much, much larger version of Taiwan, just more expensive and everybody speaks English. If you like the outdoors, it's like a playground. There are well maintained trails and backcountry huts everywhere. You could, and many people do, spend months rather than the three weeks I spent there. It's all so easy and fun that it lead to pretty much the only problem I had with the place: it's crawling with tourists, and besides the reception at your hostel or the people working the Department of Conservation visitor centers, I actually met very few Kiwis until later in the trip, when I figured out how to get away from the crowds.

Another of New Zealand's damn flightless birds

Part of the problem on this account was that I spent most of my time doing, and getting to and from, three different "Great Walks," which are a set of very well maintained trekking trails. As the premier hiking trails, they get all the tourist traffic, and need to be booked in advance. I did the Kepler, Routeburn and Abel Tasman Tracks, and all were pretty damn amazing.

Atop the Kepler Track

Camping on the Routeburn Track


From my campsite on the Abel Tasman Track

Once you get off these main tracks, however, the trails become a bit rougher, but equally scenic. On one of these trails, I had to wade through a bog then climb a small stream bed straight up the side of a mountain, guided only by little orange arrows nailed to trees. Once I just stopped trying to keep my feet dry, it went fine.

I can see the trail, can you?

On my last day in New Zealand, I took a train down the east coast of the south island, from Picton, where the ferry leaves to the North Island, back to Christchurch. And I finally met all the people who travel around New Zealand without doing any of the hiking, climbing or surfing; in other words, all of the Americans and even more Germans. I guess it would be a pretty nice place to visit like that, but you'd still be missing out. The cities have little to offer compared to the backcountry.

Being happy in New Zealand